The Morning News

Thursday, March 18, 2010

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Michael Rottman

Michael Rottman
TMN Contributing Writer Michael Rottman lives like a lord in Toronto. His miscellany has appeared in print in The Fiddlehead, Grain, and Opium, and online at Yankee Pot Roast, Cracked, News Groper, and McSweeney’s. You can email him here.

Favorite American Presidents

Often, our most revered presidents earn our appreciation more for their chutzpah than their politics. Recovering from Presidents Day hangovers, our STAFF AND READERS share their favorite commanders-in-chief. (Of Recent Note | March 3, 2010)

Untraditional Traditions

Year after year, it’s the unique ways we celebrate the holidays that make them worth celebrating. Our STAFF AND READERS share their uncommon customs. (Of Recent Note | November 25, 2009)

Frugal Krueger

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, THE STAFF helps a reader in need of creative, recession-friendly Halloween costume ideas. (The Non-Expert | October 23, 2009)

The Fiery Furnaces Visit the Department of Motor Vehicles

The brother-sister duo’s narrative inclinations take over during a license renewal. MICHAEL ROTTMAN waits in line. (Spoofs & Satire | September 24, 2009)

Superpowers, Revealed

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s…someone who can divide a dinner bill five ways! Sometimes the best abilities are the ones the world can’t see. Our STAFF AND READERS share their talents. (Of Recent Note | September 2, 2009)

Not Everyone “Got” It

In the early days of The Muppet Show, the famous bonhomie between celebrities and their Muppet co-stars wasn’t there yet. MICHAEL ROTTMAN reveals the encounters that didn’t make a rainbow connection. (Spoofs & Satire | August 21, 2009)

It’s a Conspiracy

With the anniversary of the “moon landing” and the continued clamors of the birthers, conspiracy theories are in the news again. Our STAFF AND READERS reveal their favorite shadowy plots. (Of Recent Note | August 6, 2009)

Interview With the Genie

For man and djinn alike, a soft economy makes for a tight job market. MICHAEL ROTTMAN wishes for a qualified candidate—and gets three. (Spoofs & Satire | July 21, 2009)

In the Event That You Have Accidentally Swallowed the Higgs Boson

Ingesting a wily particle is no laughing matter. MICHAEL ROTTMAN offers 10 steps of concrete advice to consider before your hands grow to the size of large cities. (Spoofs & Satire | April 8, 2009)

Meir Comes Clean

Sixty years after the founding of Israel, the pomp-and-circumstance of the anniversary—celebrated last week on the Jewish calendar and today on the secular one—prompts a different sort of recollection for MICHAEL ROTTMAN. (Personal Essays | May 14, 2008)

Soulmakers: The Story of Holland / Dozier / Amin

Through all the highs, lows, and violent overthrows, Motown was always about the music. MICHAEL ROTTMAN excerpts a forthcoming book on the label’s heady days, when a certain Ugandan was tearing through the ranks. (Spoofs & Satire | January 5, 2007)

Dante, Hero of Sinners

You already have your summer getaway planned—but what about your permanent vacation? Given your options, Hell may be less temperate, but its hidden perks make it well worth the trip, says MICHAEL ROTTMAN. (Spoofs & Satire | June 27, 2006)

One Possible Outcome of Super Bowl XL

The predictions have been made, the spreads have been laid. So who will reign supreme on Sunday? MICHAEL ROTTMAN says anything is possible. (Spoofs & Satire | February 2, 2006)

Changed Equations That Changed the World

As it turns out, the rules of science are more flexible than you’d think. When you tinker with the mechanics of the universe, however, you’d better be prepared for drastic repercussions. (Spoofs & Satire | September 27, 2005)

You Only Act Once: The Lesser Bonds

Many actors have attempted to wear the mantle of 007—and many have had their licenses to kill revoked, and not just because of suspicious accents. Here are the reasons why they lost the coveted role, with grievances aired by cast and crew. (Spoofs & Satire | June 22, 2005)

How Many Names Hath God?

No matter when we say the word God, whether in church or in vain, couldn’t we all use a couple synonyms for the all-mighty one? MICHAEL ROTTMAN examines the many possibilities, e.g., Abraham, or Clapton. (Stories | March 8, 2005)


TODAY’S FEATURE

Persephone in the Park

Spring is popping up all around New York City, but those crocuses have a dark history. JANICE P. NIMURA explains the Pagan past of what’s growing on 87th Street.

OUR MAN IN BOSTON

No Eyes on the Prize

Who is the Pulitzer Prize named after? James McGrath Morris peers into a fascinating life.

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Star Black

Star Black is a poet, photographer, and collage artist living and working in New York City. She’s released five books of poems, has taught...