When Miss South Carolina expressed her concerns about American teens’ lack of geographical knowledge, and the Iraq, I’d like to know exactly how many people were truly surprised. Yes, her answer was shockingly hilarious, but who expects beauty pageant contestants to be eloquent? Not that I hold it against her; I’ve seen MTV True Life: I’m on a Diet and that beauty queen didn’t have time to think about the world outside pageants, what with all the competitions and the exercising and the work with smile, hair, makeup, poise, swimsuit, and walk experts. If I had to spend the majority of my time remembering to simultaneously smile and keep my shoulders back, while living on 1200 calories a day, maybe I wouldn’t have formed an opinion on educational standards, either.

Look how young these girls are when they start down the pageant path. This may seem low-rent, but 10 years from now she’ll be caterwauling right to the Donald. Watch your back, Melania, any of these little cuties could be competition one day.




I warn you, you will want to look away, but fascination overrides the horror every time.




One may be inclined to make some connection between the poor pageant princess here and Britney Spears, supplier of the video’s music. One might think that maybe, if a little girl is trotted out in front of the camera to perform like an adult for years and years, maybe she will have some trouble with common sense, not having been given the chance to develop any. Were one so inclined.




As in the preceding video, the ability of the baby beauty queens to choose what’s best for them is questionable. OK, she loves to perform, but does that mean she loves to compete? Take this little charmer: thrilled to hold the mic, or petrified of being onstage?




In the movies everything can turn out just fine, remembering, of course, that in the real pageant life the contestants sing adult songs all the time, and no one has even heard of the word “preposterous.”




And, what children should be doing on camera: