5 December 2006: Evening By The Morning News — 05 Dec 2006 "If hit by the beam, you will move out of it--reflexively and quickly. You for sure will not be eager to experience it again." The U.S. military's new "Goodbye Weapon" harmlessly causes excruciating pain. Op: Things in Iraq started going wrong for the U.S. on the fourth day of the war, in a little-known battle that was nearly lost. Staten Island exchanges its dream of a NASCAR track for an abandoned oil tank farm. Interview with the guy who's selling ultra-rare Velvet Underground acetate on eBay. (Bidding has now topped $125K.) Domain names, cheese balls, and other gifts for under $77. The entire area is like a futuristic douchebag society operating right here in Manhattan. A Guide to the Douchebags of New York City. Teacups that stain their way into art. Sidewalk in Canarsie, Brooklyn, opens up, swallows woman. Photo: Congratulations to our 9,000th circumcision! (Safe for work.) Andy Rooney says he hasn't been sending racist emails; if he finds out who's behind the hoax, he promises not to kick their ass.
