Dear Jack
A father writes his son a note on election night. It gets passed around their family and friends—and soon the entire world. What viral impact looks like, post-Trump.
Secret Horror
Yes, yes, “The Exorcist” and “Night of the Living Dead” are reliably traumatizing, but at this point they’re comfort food, and there’s plenty more to discover in the world of horror cinema.
Handel Reborn
Beethoven said Handel was the greatest who ever composed—so why do we only seek him out at holidays? Marking the 250th anniversary of Handel’s death with a guide to all the life in his music.
The Miracle of Dust
Marjorie had a perfectly functional, model family in the suburbs, until the Blessed Face of Holy Mother Mary appeared on her television. New fiction by Dennis Mahoney.
Rising Bodies
Spring has arrived, and on its tails we spot daisies, rain showers, and dead bodies floating to the surface. That is, if you’re a rather unlucky girl with an eye for corpses. New fiction by Dennis Mahoney.
Love in the Time of Smallpox
Terror warnings be damned! This Valentine’s Day you can hug with your honey without fear of attack—with these handy tips.
Why Won't You Leave Me Alone?
Some people hear voices inside their head, others simply hear voices, and it tortures them to death. A sufferer begs you to leave him alone, you and your constant demands.
Super Bowl Ads: A Postmortem
It’s been popular for years to say Super Bowl ads are more entertaining than the game, and the ad industry started the rumor. Unfortunately, the ad industry is prone to lying.
After the 12 Days of Christmas
Yearly these 12 days of Christmas bring us many gifts: partridges, pear trees, and many maids equipped with pails. Our writer recounts the bevy of presents, and responds.
Thanksgiving
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we answer four questions about Thanksgiving, which is apparently a holiday, or something.
Ads Are Stupid
A purple thing with eyes will make you buy cheeseburgers. Shaking rumps will make you buy beer. Bears are supposed to do something too.
Sigur Ros, ( )
If Godspeed You Black Emperor! looked out the window and said, ‘You know, maybe the world isn’t a vast, apocalyptic shit-hole after all,’ they might sound like Sigur Ros. Sigur Ros is out of Iceland. They toured with Radiohead a couple years ago, released an album called Agaetis Byrjun,
“Broadway: The Movie”
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we work over the inner workings of the movie industry, where art always prevails over profit.
How to Get Promoted
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we lead a primer on how to get promoted. With a rocket-cycle and everything.
The Best Man’s Speech
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we tackle and violate that most fearsome of wedding-day responsibilities: the Best Man’s speech.
Lift
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we look at why people push the elevator call button even when it’s already illuminated.
The Joy of Internet Dating
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we discuss online dating: the hubbub, the hoopla, and the sexy stuff too.
ConEd and Hobbes
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we get into paying your ConEd bill, war-focused philosophy, and stabbing asses.
Electric Slide & Body Hair
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we explore the history of the Electric Slide and the mysteries behind Hypertrichosis.
Lose 15 Lbs. in 20 Minutes a Day!
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we give advice on nutrition and exercise, topics we know everything about.
The Mystery of Girls
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we negotiate why girls are the way they are. And we’ve got proof.
Jehoshaphat, Alex, and Alex
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we explore the history of Johosafat, and how to go through life when you share the same name as your lover.
Bow Ties and Dog Years
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we kick off the first installment of our new feature, The Non-Expert’s Desk, with questions about wedding fashion and canines.
Nothing’s Shocking
Once upon a time, music idols were evil enough for your parents to hate them. So what do we have left, now that our demons are as safe as pie?
Zan: Summertime Superhero
You don’t have a house in the Hamptons, you don’t have a pool; hell, you don’t even have central air conditioning. Face it: The only thing that will save you this summer is a miracle, or a superhero.
A Chat With Penny, Chatterbot
Computers are taking over the world, and recently they’ve started talking back.
Meet the Nielsens
They’re like any other demographically-correct American family, except that everyone’s watching them. Dennis Mahoney visits with the Nielsens to chat about The Company, TV statistics, and what, exactly, doesn’t make them so darn different.
The Ins and Outs of My Gated Community
Being city-dwellers ourselves, we’ve always wondered what it’s like to live in a private community, separated from the world by cameras and fences. Dennis Mahoney happens to live behind such fences, and gives us the insider’s take on modern elite living.
Happy Birthday, Embryo
For good or ill, the first genetic engineering of a human embryo is one more mental adjustment in a year of Herculean mental adjustments. And 2001 started off so boring.
A Fig for Thee, O Terror
The reason Mayor Giuliani sounded more effective than GW Bush was a simple matter of doing versus planning. You trust a man who’s talking about lifting that brick right now and don't ask about tomorrow yet.