Mix Tape for Dead Girl
Writing a eulogy once involved hours of revising and a good thesaurus.
Joshua Allen
Customer Serviced
The holidays are approaching, and mail-order is king. Gifts, however, are no good unless there’s someone to take your order. Our writer reports from a call center at one of America’s largest retailers.
Friends’ Bands I Have Known
For two years, you thought your college roommate’s band was going to hit the big time. Then you were sober again.
The Harry Potter Nimbus 2000
The hottest new toy is the Harry Potter Nimbus 2000, a vibrating broom proving popular with lots of little girls. An inside look at its insidious development.
The Alaina Rautio Interview
A controlled rainstorm, dolls that come to life, an accidental fire. Joshua Allen talks with architect Alaina Rautio about a house she built in a bottle in Portland, Maine.
Operation Fish From Hell
The U.S. has many problems right now, but its deadliest threat can grow to three feet long: the Chinese Snakehead. Our reporter goes deep undercover to get the government’s reaction to a meat-eating snake.
Brenda Stahler Gets Married
Falling in love is no joking matter; falling in love with your best friend’s girl is ass-whuppin’ time. Our writers recall the woman that came between them.
The Minority Report Trailer
Big-budget movies require big-budget marketing, and you can bet every second of the trailer is accounted for, in impact. We get the inside scoop on Spielberg’s new flop.
Pirates and the Navy
Once the scourge of the seven seas, now fuel for ARGHHH... jokes and the parrot industry, pirates seem better suited for Disney World than the Atlantic. However, the Navy was attacked last month by a band of unwashed scurvyites.
Songs From the Big Chair
Music can inspire nostalgia, assigning memories to songs we relish, or would prefer to forget. Elephant-minded Joshua Allen remembers each track from “Songs From the Big Chair” by Tears for Fears and sifts the music for a little personal history.