Pie Is Not a Gel (and Other Thanksgiving Tips)

As a result, sometimes stuff gets cold, or burnt. We usually eat at least an hour later than planned. We make conversational beelines toward politics and religion. At least one person gets drunk and picks a fight. By dessert, someone is usually in tears. The day is mostly a success not because we’re awesome cooks or hostesses, but because we managed the expectations of everyone else long ago during family therapy.

But not everyone’s family dynamics have benefited from psychiatric intervention—and really, who needs it when you have the internet? If you are looking for (amateur) help surviving Thanksgiving this year, I’ve got your back:

Flying? You won’t have much exasperation to spare, so do your sanity a favor and review the latest TSA rules:

• TSA: Helpful Hints for Holiday Travelers

Making dinner? Fear not. I do it almost every year, and you can, too.

• The Morning News: How to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner
• The Awl: The No-Tears, No-Panic Countdown Guide
• The New York Times: Thanksgiving Helpline
• Serious Eats: Thanksgiving Guide
• Martha Stewart: Everything Thanksgiving
• Real Simple: How to Fix 10 Common Thanksgiving Problems

It can be helpful to line up extraculinary activities that do not require actually speaking to your family.

• CBS Sports: NCAA Thanksgiving Weekend College Football Viewing Guide
• USA Today: Black Friday: Tips, deals for the big buying day
• Yahoo! Movies: Holiday Movie Guide

Or speaking to anyone, period.

• Discovery Health: How to Meditate

And if that doesn’t work, there’s always alcohol.

• The Art of Manliness: How to Make the Perfect Martini

Now that you’ve done your homework, relax and enjoy the day. Happy Thanksgiving!