Just My Imagination
Louis C.K. has a joke about how he can’t help but imagine his dick in the mouth of every woman he meets. Well, that’s not really a joke; it’s more like a condition. Still, I can relate. Every guy I like, I can’t help but
Crushes on Strangers
A collection of 14 issues
That Girl
“Guess who my new wife is,” my friend IMed me one morning. This was not an unusual way to begin a conversation. His previous wives had included Minka Kelly from Friday Night Lights, and Lenny Kravitz’s daughter, Zoe. None of them were his actual wife, whom he had been
The Contradiction
It’s rare to find a word with the versatility of crush: It is a verb, a noun, a delicious soft drink; it is practically onomatopoeia. It’s a gratifying word, and there’s an entire universe of meaning inside its five letters. It is as soft and as hard
The Married Man
A friend of mine insists it’s healthy for married people to have crushes. She contends that crushes strengthen the bonds of matrimony; you can gather your ego-strokes in the world and return at night glowing, reconnected to the rich vein of your own desirability. That is well and
Yeah, You Know Him
I wanted to dislike the actor. I was sick of his pretty mug on glossy magazines, all sad eyes and smug pout. Years ago, I had knocked back pints of beer with a film editor in New York who told scathing stories of the actor’s pretentious on-set behavior.
My New Resolution
I resolved to take action. I’d been doing this crush series for nearly two months, and even I had grown weary of my precious little poet’s inability to do anything but yammer on about boys like I was sketching the clouds. “I am playing around with continuing this
One of Us Is Naked Right Now
I was working on a freelance article that had necessitated the following Google searches: “how can I get sex online,” “best sites to hook up,” and “dudes nude.” A journalist wears many hats, and at the moment, mine was penis-shaped. I IMed Thomas. “I have seen so much today
The Man of Action
“What would you do if you had a crush on someone?” I asked Thomas. “Like a barista at the coffee shop?” “Barista is tough because he’s at work,” Thomas said. We were chatting on IM, like we do every day, so technically he typed it. “I think I would
In My Back Pocket, With the Maps
I got a huge, honking crush on this guy right before I moved to South America at age 26, my splashy sayonara to the daily grind. He was funny and peculiar, we laughed while eating dinner at a place called Rock N Roll Pizza, and out of these details I
Nice Ignoring You
I was trying to find a parking space for yoga class when I saw the cute guy walk in. Crap. On second thought, maybe I should just ditch today. The cute guy had come to my previous class, and placed his mat directly across from mine. He had hooded lids,