Change is good. Change is terrifying. Change achieved by means other than permanent body alteration: priceless. We never plan our redesigns. One day, we’re perfectly content with how the site looks and operates, and the next morning we’re ready to throw it out the window. That moment happened
Update: The applications window is now closed; thank you to everyone who got in touch. The Morning News needs a fall intern to cuddle and train in the black arts. This is an unpaid internship where you supply your own computer and steam and we shower you with beer. Figure
It’s not often we hear about TMN playing a role in law enforcement, especially when it’s in a plagiarism case (since we’ve enjoyed promoting plagiarism in the past), but some of Matthew Baldwin’s stories are too good to keep to yourself: Punishment Mounts for Missing Juror
Pornography Soap Operas Movies for the Lifetime Network Voiceovers & Commercials Reality Shows Movies for Other Cable Networks Television Hosts (Most) ↑ OUTSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO ↑···································································· ↓ INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO ↓ Television Hosts (Very Few) Movies for Network Television Prime-Time Television Show Voiceovers (Fortune 500) & Commercials (Japan)
We are pleased to announce the arrival of Summer 2006 Intern Jen Turner. As her bio says on the masthead: Jen Turner is the lone college senior in Washington, D.C., not interested in interning for her congressman. This probably has to do with Jen’s politically unconventional upbringing in
Today we're immensely pleased to open a new section on TMN called "Digest." What we'll be featuring: a stack of book notices awaiting you every Monday morning; on Wednesdays, a round-up of what's going on in the world of mp3 blogs (and
Just a short note to say we've recently passed the 1100 mark on TMN for features. That means we've somehow published 1100 stories in the last couple years (TMN celebrates its anniversary each year in mid-November), as well as over 1200 days of headlines. So thanks
Spring has arrived, Brooklyn’s turning hot, the editors are back on their tennis game, and TMN needs a new intern. We’re excited to announce that our most recent interns, Beth Milton and Nicole Pasulka, have accepted our offer to join the staff as Assistant Editors, and now we’
We are very excited to announce our newest Contributing Writer, Lauren Frey. By day Lauren hosts a classical music show for Sirius, but by night she's a talented satirist and great all-around writer. (See here for her archive at TMN, particularly her recent Prufrock spoof.) Supposedly she can
Our main priority at TMN has always been to provide excellent stories: funny stories, sharp stories, stories you don't read anywhere else, and all with tighter editing than Ron Perelman's divorce papers. Falling a very distant second is our hunt for advertising--we're writers and
I've noticed an abundance of horror films over the past few years, the premises of which involve a thing that somehow somebody gets a hold of that winds up killing them. Like The Ring, where a videocassette is traded around, and whomever sees it is later dies. Or
How many moves can a dancer pack in one phrase? Then repeat, change, jostle, repeat? Flipper-y hand movements and shake-waddle-waddle? All set to live Schumann (Schumann! I adulate!) in silly costumes, followed by Vivaldi, with hula-girl waving thrown in? Warning: This is a rave. I've never seen the
Updated Monday, 6 March Madness increaseth. Rooster approacheth. We are now in March, and the blood shall soon floweth! Lots of 2006 Book Tournament news posted today, including our list of judges, the tournament schedule, and yes, the complete brackets so your English department betting pool can get off the
If it's true that opinions are like assholes, and that the internet is full of both, then please tell us why aren't we a natural part of that? Which is exactly what we asked ourselves, and which is why, beginning today with Robert Birnbaum's
On the subway this morning, I saw somebody reading one of the free dailies. The cover headline, referring to the Cheney hunting accident, read, "Triggy Dick." Ah, so they mean "triggy" as in "trigger," as in, "itchy trigger finger," which is how
We are extremely pleased to announce that Todd Levin has accepted our invitation to join our Contributing Writers staff. Todd has written lots of great stories for us before (like the recent tour journals from the Piano Men, North America’s only five-member Billy Joel tribute band) and we expect
TMN’s Contributing Illustrator Danny Gregory has a new book on the shelves, and we want to give you a copy…assuming your last name is MacGyver. We’ve got 10 books to give away, and here’s how it will go: Each weekday morning beginning today, for the next
The wait is over. The authors are only beginning to sweat. Sponsored again by the good people at Powells.com, The Morning News Tournament of Books is back and the Rooster demands blood. Update: The book list has been announced! It’s been less than a year since we crowned
We used to offer T-shirts around here. You may have noticed. Hey, maybe you even bought one. And thank you if you did. If you wanted to but didn't, it was probably because our shirts were lost in the mail (seriously) for about six months, and when we
We believe that advertising, when it's done well, complements a magazine's contents. It's true: Some ads are beautiful, and some ads are CLICK HERE FOR A FREE IPOD SHUFFLE NOW distracting. Do you know the difference? Are you the type of person who, when
The Morning News is seeking a copy editor. This is an unpaid position, but if the willing and able editor lives in New York City, he or she can expect drinks. Duties will include editing two to three articles a week for spelling, grammar, punctuation, factual accuracy, and style; regular
Last night’s Gary Benchley party for recently, author-ially outedPaul Ford was a complete success. Thank you to everyone who was able to make it. And thank you also to Spike Hill in Williamsburg for accommodating us and reminding everyone in attendance why we didn’t hold the thing at
We are so excited about Gary Benchley, Rock Star—the fabulous new book that builds on (and completes!) Paul Ford’s much-loved series on TMN—that, starting today, and through October, we will be giving away one free copy of the book each weekday (thank you, Plume) to the winner
This summer has been brutally hot, plumb with hard work and big stories to watch, but luckily we had Summer Intern Heather to help us on all fronts. We’d like to take the time to thank her publicly for her hard work, and wish her the best in returning
For a long time readers have asked for a TMN newsletter to keep them apprised of our publishing schedule. They say, “I love TMN, but sometimes I forget to check in! Couldn’t you alert me once a week as to what’s been published? And couldn’t you promise
We're very pleased to announce the addition of two new contributing writers: Jessica Francis Kane, whose gardening column here at TMN, Notes from the Lawn, is a constant source of distress for those of us who have been branded as plant murderers. You know who we are--you can
Welcome to the new site! As always, thanks for visiting. If the reaction to when we launched our last redesign in April 2002 is any example, you “like the old design better.” Here’s a brief introduction to what’s new around here (a few things), what’s different (a
I am surrounded by so many to-do lists that it seems like I always have a lot more to do than I’d prefer to believe. In fact, as soon as I cross something off—or, in my case, because I keep my lists in text files on my computer,
On the right side of my computer desktop I have a number of folders, each of which contains files that I have something to do with right now. Previously, these files would stay in my email inbox, which acted as my to-do list. But now the computer desktop folders are
Entering day two of working at home, I recognize there are a lot of things that magically happen, without your recognizing it, when you’re regularly going into an office. One of which is coffee: There’s always a pot ready. It may not be fresh (it isn’t), it
It’s almost springtime. Annually it seems like I wait a long time for spring to appear, pining for sunshine, and when it finally arrives it’s over a week later—this being a normal New York spring—and then I spend the summer complaining about the heat. Not 2005,
A frazzled woman struggles to keep her three children from running wild through the magazine shop, and finally screams, “Tyler! Jackson! Monroe! Front and center, now!” A man, presumably her husband, looks on sheepishly, mismatched carry-on bags jumbled at his feet. He looks like a very confused Government teacher. * * * There
Dear Eludina and Joel, Thank you for sending your Santa notes to our P.O. Box. We have forwarded them on to Mr. and Mrs. Claus and have also republished them below, in case the elves are reading this right now and can get your wishes to the big man
The past couple years we’ve had a party in the fall to celebrate TMN’s anniversary. Big hits, bright lights, one and all. But this year, due to our upcoming relaunch (of the redesign—righteous, really) we have postponed the party for spring, when we can blow out some
Over the sneeze guard, in line ahead of me, at the burrito place, to indicate you want salsa verde, after I saw you wipe your armpit Between the car seats, with both hands, at 120 miles per hour, to find some loose change, to pay your friend the dollar, from
In line to pay for lunch. The woman in front of me hands a credit card to the clerk. The clerk looks at the card, which has an image of Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” on it. “‘Starry Night!’ That’s my favorite painting!” The woman smiles. “I’ve even
Have you heard enough about Jon Stewart’s appearance on Crossfire yet? Yes? Well I’m sorry, because here’s one more opinion, and I really want to share. Jon Stewart’s position is that Crossfire and its hosts, Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala, do a poor job of contributing
To people who have written in commenting on the staleness of our Album of the Week and People We Like features, we’re sorry we haven’t been able to update them as we’d like, but we’re very busy on our big big (big!) redesign to launch sometime
Signs that you got sick by talking to that person in line at the ATM, even if you’re not totally convinced you’re coming down with something: —Sweat, both warm and cold —Dropping-off of fingernails —Miasma —The sniffles —Your unquestioning interest in the day-long Battlestar Galactica marathon —A table
1. A man stood next to me on the subway platform carrying a dozen pink roses. He looked past me down the platform and back up again. We were the only people on either side of the tracks, and there were no trains at the moment. Moving quickly, he lowered
The Starbucks has outdoor seating. Every day a man, presumably homeless, sits in the chair closest to the door. He smokes, giggling constantly, full-out laughing in spurts. Yesterday a different man was seated in his chair. He was smoking and giggling and laughing in the exact same way. The homeless
“To all police and fire departments, to all volunteers, I know I speak for all NYC—We are and always will be profoundly grateful to all of you!” photo by Choire Sicha
I spent Labor Day weekend by a lake upstate with friends. One afternoon we were lying on a dock, when a duck swam by and disappeared around the bow of a boat. “Heh,” I said. “What?” “I don’t know. I was just trying to make up a joke.” “What
From TMN Contributing Writer John Warner… As a liberal, I never thought I’d say this, but here it is: I feel sorry for President Bush. Politicians lie. We know this. It’s a given, a part of the bargain required to achieve elective office. Even John McCain, that famously
I’m guessing most of the kids wearing Palestinian scarves will probably enjoy a comfortable, good night’s sleep once the RNC’s over, without facing tanks in the morning. Why can’t the protesters wear more interesting costumes? Isn’t there something the Republicans hate more than dirty hippies?
Walking to catch a subway home from Manhattan on Saturday, I was a bit stunned to see the NYPD blimp floating overhead. As of about Thursday, New York City is officially under control, and I’ve become used to seeing soldiers with giant weapons in Grand Central (my mother accidentally
So I’ve noticed a puzzling link that seems to be doing the rounds lately, and it’s a mind-boggler, based on what I’ve seen. And “seen,” as it turns out, really is the operative word. Puzzled, out of answers, checked the pockets, nothing of help to be found
An after-dinner call from a friend on Thursday evening. I pick up the phone. “Hello?” “Hey, what’s up?” “Nothing much.” “Well, there’s a new bar that just opened. And it’s only three blocks from your house and it’s gorgeous.” “Really?” “Yes. I have no idea what
Hello? Are you there? How are you? What? Sorry? What’s up? Excuse me? Pardon me? When? Come again? What’s going on? Where? What do you mean? What’d you say? Huh? What’s that? Who? Why? How much?
It’s our pleasure to welcome Pitchaya Sudbanthad as our newest Contributing Writer. He’s written a number of great stories for TMN—about Nigella Lawson’s juicy tomatoes, the Nets’ move to Brooklyn, Spalding Gray’s death, the sounds of music lit-sters One Ring Zero, and his experiences growing
Telling people I don’t watch TV always gets a look that says, “Listen jerk, don’t give me your self-righteous crap about being better than me, and please don’t tell me how you make your own granola.” There’s no way around it. Ninety-eight percent of the people
—The flight out of New York has been delayed because “We’re sorry, our plane hasn’t shown up yet! Grab yourself something to eat and sit tight! But don’t go far!” I’m slumped in a bucket-seated terminal bench, watching the newsdump via the CNN monitor parked two
After spending the past school year abroad in Scotland, where she learned how to fall asleep during a drum ‘n’ bass marathon, how to appreciate football, and how to stop and look around, Claire Miccio has returned home to the U.S., where she is now both a contributing writer
I’ve eaten this salad (recipe below) twice in the last week, and to call it one of the best salads I’ve ever had would be like calling Vice President Cheney a big fat liar; it’s that good. I was inspired by a salad I had once at
This is a note from both Andrew and me: TMN has just passed the million mark for page views—in May, we served 1,070,300 pages—and we’d like to take a second to thank all those responsible for this great milestone: first, our family of contributors who
My sister moved to Venice, Italy for a job so we went to visit her with my parents for a week. I had never been there; my wife was last there when she was a kid. People tell you ahead of time it’s a city of canals built on
Last week we published a link in our headlines wherein we used the word “Indianaian” to describe a person from Indiana. This, according to our eagle-eyed copy editor, Kate Schlegel, was a misspelling; we should have actually used “Indianian.” (The default dictionary in Microsoft Word, on a third hand, insists
Long live summer. Or, long live escape plans to leave Brooklyn for nicer places. People have been worried about New York’s reaction to this new movie The Day After Tomorrow—where the city is attacked by tidal waves and ice storms, with chaos reminiscent of Sept. 11’s disaster—
Saturday, 3:00 p.m., Washington Square Park [clean-looking man wearing a tight T-shirt rushes over; he’s not making eye contact] “Would you like a hug today?” “No thanks.” [he rushes off, still no eye contact, approaches other passersby with the same offer] [a woman zips out, directly in
‘Listen, I gave you a twenty!’ The clerk takes a step backwards. ‘No, you didn’t. You gave me a ten. This is it right here.’ ‘No, you switched it out. You took my twenty, and now you’re showing me a ten!’ the guy shot back. ‘You pocketed it!
The winner of last week’s Marshall Sokoloff/Jewelboxing ‘Salt’ contest is Bill Beardslee of Washington, D.C. Thanks again to our sponsors at Jewelboxing and Marshall Sokoloff for making this happen. (And, for the curious who didn’t win, Marshall’s prints are for sale.)
New Yorker
He’s a former sushi chef trained on a cow farm near Osaka. He’s met 80 percent of the Rolling Stones, and slept with two of their daughters. He once raised Clydesdales near Missoula, between climbing trips in Banff. Fourteen of his screenplays have been produced under a pseudonym,
After one too many Pepsis and a rash of difficulty choosing a song to download from iTunes, I decided to post my second winning cap number here, free, for anyone who wanted it. I only asked that whoever redeemed it tell me what song they downloaded, and why. Fun for
We’re very excited to announce Brooklynite Geoff Badner has joined TMN as our Contributing Photographer. He’s done lots of features here before, and there are also a bunch in the works. You can read about his background on the Masthead. What’s not mentioned is his uncanny resemblance
Despite my hopes of collecting enough free iTunes songs to score a full album, I simply can’t drink that much Pepsi. I half-gave up after browsing for albums I might want, and eventually settled on a single song to trade my cap number for: Cheap Trick’s ‘Auf Wiedersehen.
At long last, with Diet Pepsi stained teeth and a week of trouble sleeping, I’ve bought (and consumed) enough bottles to finally win an iTunes song. ‘One in three wins,’ right. That may be true when they leave the factory, but my personal calculations tell a far sadder story.
Recently I was faced with a crisis. Not a major crisis, but one where skill and memory were of utmost importance. This steak is supposed to be cooked to temperature, but the thermometer reads 40 degrees, though it’s cooked, ready, even, even edible, possibly. What! What? The thermometer is
I’ve never, ever, ever had a 24-hour stomach flu. At least not that I can recall. I’ve heard about them, sure, and always thought, hey, what a lucky break. I mean, sick for 24 hours, that’s it? What a joke. Ha. Ha. Ha. Until I learned that
People who live in glass houses should not throw stones, and people who write questions for contests should avoid ambiguous phrases, lest they spend their weekend in the library double-checking an answer they thought was airtight. Recently, we showcased a gallery of work by photographer Marshall Sokoloff, and with his
Those DVDs you see all over New York, the ones the guys sell on the sidewalk – with the Xeroxed covers and all that – the ones you walk by and wonder, How do they already have Starsky & Hutch on DVD? You know those. They work, you should know. Bet that
There was a girl who moved to Corpus Christi Who told everyone, ‘Call me Misty’ Which wasn’t her name But it was all just the same Since last week she was a man in Poughkeepsie * * * There once was an architect in Dallas Who built his fiancée a whole palace
Sometimes the hope for the weekend seems just around a corner you’ll never turn. Likewise, the weather in New York has been bumpy, up and down, leaving everyone without a clue to go on. When I first woke up this morning, the sun shone brightly through my bedroom window,
Last night I stepped onto the platform at 14th Street, ready to be on my way home to Brooklyn after a long day in the city. So were the other 2,000 people who were waiting for an eastbound train that would be – inevitably – packed full of passengers when it
At the grocery store around the corner, Saturday afternoon. There are four stacks of baskets. No clear contender, since each of the baskets on top contains a piece of trash: a wadded plastic produce bag (used?), a scrap of red-leaf lettuce, a damp paper towel, and a twist-tie. I pick
My apartment could fit in my parents’ driveway, and they’d still be able to park both cars. It could nestle in the front rooms of my grandparents’ apartment in Chicago, or fit in the barn next to the farmhouse I lived in during college,still with enough room for
What better way to spend a long winter weekend inside, terrified to leave your home because your snow boots still haven’t arrived in the mail and your front sidewalk is awash in an ice floe, than to watch cable TV? I never found out, that’s for sure. But
1) Laptops are not supposed to smell like cabbage. When your dining table is both the only counter in your miniscule kitchen and also your desk (this twin purpose forced by the size of your New York apartment), it’s hard to avoid the remains from last night’s ribs
Of all the great gifts I received over the holidays, many of the best didn’t arrive wrapped in colorful paper, or inside cards with weird Christmas-y sexual innuendo (‘Mrs. Claus wants to know if you’re ready for your holiday surprise…’). And though I still haven’t even written
To the people who came to last night’s Third Thursday, a few corrections for things I may have said while toasting, and, at the time, been wrong about. I am not Danish, nor am I from good Danish stock, ‘the old country,’ or an heir to the Danish throne,
Update: All Third Thursday parties are held at 7 p.m. at Hi-Fi at, suggested to us by Khoi. Hi-Fi features New York’s only MP3 jukebox, 2-for-1 drink specials until 8 p.m., and a pool table. Click here for directions (Avenue A between 10th and 11th). Look for
Friday evening, November 14, 2003, kitchen ‘Hey there, welcome! Glad you could make it.’ ‘Glad to be here, thanks!’ ‘Well, the pleasure’s all ours, really.’ ‘Think nothing of it. No problem at all.’ ‘Good, just great. So, this little contraption here–’ ‘Yes, that’s my corkscrew.’ ‘Right, so you
It’s a big happy pleasure to welcome Robert Birnbaum to The Morning News as our newest Contributing Writer. We’ve been reading his great long interviews on Identitytheory.com for some time, and we’re now lucky enough to say he’ll be sharing some of them with us,
We are decent copy editors at best, and on most occasions terrible. (I think that sentence fails a number of rules.) Late-night editing and early-morning formatting are no excuses for mistakes, but it’s often been the readers’ eyes who catch our undotted i’s or uncrossed t’s before
Today’s story is a great conversation between our frequent contributor Robert Birnbaum and writer Julie Orringer. Robert’s shared a number of his interviews with us so far, and there’s plenty planned for the future, including a conversation with Charles Baxter coming soonish that I want to excerpt
To the woman on the train wearing flip-flops: I’m sorry I almost stepped on your toes. I understand that the danger may have warranted the mock look of pain, a mouthed ‘ouch!’ and a little hop-skip on your part. But flip-flops when it’s 48 degrees out? You should
Poor fan seat 11, row 9. The story’s everwhere by now: a Cubs fan sitting by the left-field wall reached out for a foul pop-up, deflected the outfielder, denied the Cubs an out. This led to a mighty sweep by the Marlins and then Chicago lost the game, possibly
Recently overheard: On the L train, 3pm, near Union Square, train packed with high-school girls going home after school, in blue and white uniforms: Girl 1: See white girl laughing at them? Girl 2: Yuh. Girl 1: That white bitch thinks her ass is funny. We’re funny. Black girls
It’s meant to be an ironic title – I’m a terrible businessman, and really I have no idea what to do when it comes to numbers, selling, or any non-editorial brass tacks. That said, one of our major goals for The Morning News this year is to make some
I was too late, and it was such a good idea for a story. Sorry, everybody. There could’ve been massive laughs, if done properly – at least a few chuckles, if even done alright. Here’s the premise: It’s 1962, and Brian Epstein is giving the Beatles a new
It is Andrew’s and my great pleasure to introduce Choire Sicha as a new Contributing Writer for The Morning News. His most recent story is ‘Ronald Reagan and Reading Proust,’ a title a few readers complained about that’s a reference to Veronica Geng’s story, ‘Love Trouble Is
Thank you to everyone who came – it was a wonderful night, and we had a ball. Various head-counts put the crowd around 150-200 people, and though I can’t remember a single name of anyone I met for the first time, I do recall that everyone seemed to be having
The Morning Newsfourth-anniversary party is being held this Saturday and we hope you can make it. My guess is that a lot of people will come not knowing anyone. Some brave souls will strike up conversations with strangers; others will order a drink, stand around, then go home angry. Still
The decision has been made. It’s a step into the unknown, the mysterious. But it’s time. IT IS TIME. Goodbye Hotmail, farewell Spam-City. I’ve been considering this drastic move for months now, and after being told that both of my email inboxes are pretty much diaper bins
So here is the deal my friends: You are officially invited to join us for the TMN all-get-out roast and rip-roaring dukes, duchesses, and delinquent dons party celebrating our fourth year of existence. That is a week from this Saturday people. Note that this year there will be readings, and
Sometimes all you’ve got is a gag, and no plot. And that’s exactly what I’m providing to you here (no charge) with some guesswork as to the surrounding circumstances that could be cooked up, were you to actually write something that had one of these. Some guy
Summer wasn’t all it could have been cracked up to be, is the way I’m looking at it now. I hate to poo-poo it, since it’s hardly ever worth true criticism, but it must be said: Summer 2003 never really came together. Or did it? Let’s
The lights flickered, the computer blinked out (but not before I saved my Word doc! Ha!) there was a weird ‘chirping’ sound coming from outside the building. Something was definitely amiss. What was happening, however, was impossible to tell. What was pretty clear, however, was that I was going to
1. We visited friends this weekend in New Jersey. They had insisted we try ‘Fair Food,’ so, in all fairness, we tried all that we could afford. Not shown but also consumed: chicken on a stick, waffle ice cream sandwich, ‘maui punch’ made from goat milk. For more on Fair
Near my work there are these two parking lots. Well, one’s a lot and the other’s a garage, actually. But still, they’re in competition for any passing vehicles looking for a place to park. Both the lot and the garage employ a guy each who wears dungarees
From: zari Date: Mon Aug 4, 2003 1:25:02 PM America/New_York To: TMN You guys have jumped the shark. I had my doubts when you celebrated one year of daily publishing with that gay-ass video. The week off that followed was no big deal. It’s got
1) Watched 8 Women on DVD last night, the second-to-latest film by François Ozon (his newest is Swimming Pool) and didn’t like it very much. I lasted through the film to learn who the killer was, and then turned it off, wishing I had spent the last two hours
1. Under one of the windows in the living room, where I work at a desk in the corner, four guys in reflective vests and hard hats are ripping up the street with jackhammers. They wear earplugs for a reason: the jackhammer runs in 6- or 8-second bursts. Its more
As we continue the staffing additions around here, we are happy to announce that John Warner, the inimitable, intimidating, and intransigent writer of this lot here (and about fourteen-billion other things everywhere else), has accepted our offer (mainly store coupons) and has signed on to be a contributing writer at
It is with no small amount of joy that I introduce our new contributing writer: he of Defective Yeti fame, and writer of these fine stories here, Matthew Baldwin. Here you can read a little about him and see a photo of a guy wiping out on a bike, which
Lunch break. I’m lying on the couch in my living room, all the lights are on, I’m reading Bryan Magee’s description of Schopenhauer’s philosophy as it differed from Kant’s, in Confessions of a Philosopher, an awesome book about Magee’s life. The window by the
We receive lots of mail from readers. Most of it is flattering, some letters are angry, some are smart and point out our mistakes. We also get tirades about Iraq or gay marriage, and there have been a few come-ons, and many offers to enlarge our penises. All are read,
photo by Frederic Bonn There is too much to say or describe about the wedding, the honeymoon, all the anticipation and excitement, so let’s just say it was wonderful (very wonderful, sooooooooooo wonderful, hard to believe it’s over wonderful) and perhaps, when I’m off the wedding-high, when
‘There was a lull during which Velma loaded her cigarette case and Father Fabre surveyed the room – the bookcase with no books in it, only plants and bric-a-brac, and the overstuffed furniture rising like bread beneath the slipcovers, which rivaled nature in the tropics for color and variety of growing
As many of you must already know, Rosecrans is getting married soon. So soon, in fact, that his bachelor party was last night. Though we avoided getting a woman to jump out of a cake (Paul Ford and I discussed the unappetizing ramifications of forgetting to take her out before
Imagine an old stock machine, with the ticker tape spitting out the side: this, then, is my brain right now: wedding wedding wedding wedding wedding work wedding cheeseburgers wedding wedding deadlines wedding good weather please wedding wedding book wedding family wedding wedding wedding wedding R. wedding ach! wedding wedding wedding
We are clouds / and terrible things happen in clouds. – Dean Young It’s been a hard winter and spring for almost everyone I know. A lot of my friends and family are having major upheavals – big moves, new jobs, medical school beginnings and graduations, jail, break-ups, suicides, funerals, engagements, diseases,
Um, Friendster? No, I haven’t heard of it. Oh, I see. Well, obviously this is just some online dating thing. I don’t get it – why do you want me to sign up? I’m married, you know. And happily, thanks. Yes, I know, I received your invitation to
My family has an Easter tradition of eating brunch at the Peninsula hotel, then going outside to Fifth Avenue to march in the parade of sartorial queens, do-dandies, and bow-tie’d church-goers who stroll up and down the street and preen. The highlight was chasing after Bill Cunningham as he
In deference to my esteemed colleague, I agree: it is spring in Brooklyn, it is beautiful outside, I was able to wear a light jacket this morning when I walked my girlfriend to the subway... but when making a pitcher of iced tea I must draw a line in greater
It’s finally spring in Brooklyn. Which means it’s a good time to brew up a pitcher of iced tea. I like five bags, mainly hot water (for the steeping, not for the drinking), and no sugar – no sugar. That window unit is about to get a lot of
I am a poor manager of my Netflix queue. I realized this yesterday, when I received two emails from Netflix telling me that they’d received the last two films I’d sent back, and that I should go rate them now! What I should have done, however, was check
Reading Nick Hornby’s new collection, Songbook, a birthday present from a friend, and I’m very happy. Hornby’s books do that to me. I should be doing work, but I’ve been on the couch for three hours and I’m almost finished, sadly, two cups of coffee
Last week I was called up for jury duty. It was not at all unexpected. I’d already been sent the cheerful pink-and-white card twice over. Both times I’d postponed. And truthfully so, even. Although I do recall that when postponing the second time I asked why you just
A list of signs seen at the Saturday, 23 March 2003 anti-war march in New York City. - Fuck Bush And Fuck All You Fucking Republicans - I Weep For My Country - Look Before You Kill - Work Not War - Media Whores + Pentagon Knuckle Draggers - But George,
So you’re all nervy on the way back from the gym. Anxious, defensive, self-loathing like a sweat. You think, you call this a life? You’re almost whacked by a limo while crossing under the BQE. Most days writing is hard and that’s all. It’s work, you
Anna Blakney Sutton, friend, artist, illustrator for The Morning News, and now: Mom. We are excited beyond belief to introduce her daughter Iris, born today, March 1, 2003, at 5:37 a.m. Many, many congratulations to her and beaming father Jack Featherly on such a beautiful addition to their
1. Leaving the L train, up through the station, I nailed the smell. Winter smells like winter. Enough. It’s the same everywhere I’ve lived, and after four years of college in central Maine, I had it figured out: like leaves or branches burning but suppressed by cold, so
My in-laws’ relationship with basketball has been touched on before, but when the future father-in-law sinks 8 free throws in 30 seconds during a halftime contest at a recent U.N.C game, beating out the competition for the $100 prize, you can be damn sure I’ll post the
Not much news to report this week, but a few enhancements around the site: 1) If you read Web sites with an RSS News reader, (e.g., NetNewsWire,Amphetadesk), then you may like to try our new RSS 2.0 feeds, now featuring both the Features (complete stories) and Headlines
1. Two police officers are riding the train with me between Union Square and 6th Avenue. I'm sitting down; one cop, standing next to me, keeps her radio on her belt, right next to me ear. While we’re waiting to leave the station, it squaks ‘Anonymous caller
We saw Sam Mendes’s production of Twelfth Night last night at the BAM Harvey Theater, an early Valentine’s Day present from my mother (who may not celebrate all holidays, but seems to buy us gifts for most of them) and I was out of my mind with anticipation.
Though for many, Leslie Harpold requires no introduction, it’s Andrew’s and my great pleasure to announce that she has joined The Morning News as a new contributing writer. Leslie (previous stories at TMN here) reaches us from many points in the Web, including Smug, Hoopla, and the Hoopla/
I recently took a new job in Lower Manhattan, which is, in my belief, one of the most extraordinary Manhattan locales. An area totally unknown to me (I still can’t navigate it to save my life), I’m constantly taken aback by its dramatic landscape, harsh wind currents, and
There’s a report in the Times today that this winter may be the dreariest in New York’s history, which seems a slightly unscientific approach to measuring weather, but feels entirely accurate: it’s piss outside. Very cold piss. Friends from the great white North (i.e., Maine) who
Honestly, I have to get better about writing these editor letters. I’ve been confused about how to use this area of the site (Andrew and I had an editors’ meeting this week over drinks at the Cedar Tavern, once famous for hosting the likes of Frank O’Hara, Larry
Here’s the deal: My fiancée and I are starting to look for a new apartment. The stress, dangers, and complete hell of finding a good broker-free apartment in this city are well documented, and though I know the Craig’s List/Voice/Times method very well, so do thousands
It’s been snowing all day in New York. And real snow this time: not all that business the meteorologists kept on about in the past few weeks. ‘Get ready, folks: It’s gonna be a white Thanksgiving. Isn’t that right, Chuck?’ or ‘It’s gonna be a c-o-o-o-o-l-d
I love holiday shopping. Picking out presents, crossing the names off the list, wrapping all the gifts. Every year it seems an insurmountable task. Every year it’s accomplished far too easily. And every year is more satisfying than the last. This year it seemed there might even be time
It’s good, I think, to reveal on occasion one’s younger side, to dismantle or at least set aside our mature trappings and play like blond-haired children, roll in meadows, run through hay, and show that we embrace life with big palms and sincere passion, and do not always
I’ve been sick for the past week and a half. Here’s what it was like, had it all been chronicled on the front page of this site. New York’s currently: got a sore throat, but not worried about it feeling a little ‘off’ sneezing, shaking, scared feverish
At one point I wanted to scream, a giant whopping WOOOOH!!! right over the heads of everyone in the bar, but I held back and introduced myself to another new person and had another great, interesting, fun conversation with someone I’d never met before but enjoyed talking to, if
Photos from the New York City Marathon as it passed by the author’s apartment in Brooklyn, with many ludicrously impressive people in wheelchairs, and a scramble band that included a gong at one point.
The recipe for Confederate General Jubal Early’s favorite punch, the right drink to serve when your brother-in-law-to-be from North Carolina visits for the weekend and you decide to throw a party celebrating his sister’s birthday. Ingredients – 2 bottles brut champagne – 3 cups brandy – 2 cups Jamaican rum – 2
Photos from the New York Public Library, 42nd Street branch, and Bryant Park. Pictures were to be taken at the Jefferson branch as well, but the author left his camera at home.
I married in Texas on 5 October 2002. If I can remember that date, I’ll do alright come anniversary time. But that’s jumping too far ahead for now. It was, by all accounts, a beautiful wedding. There were speeches, there were toasts, there was even a poem. There
I didn’t use my camera at Andrew’s wedding this past weekend, but in the tradition of Rosecranses in my family, I did give a poem-toast, right before they cut the cake and after Ashley told hilarious stories about their romantic pasts, and Andrew’s brother Ken went back
In which the editors and some writers met at a bar for drinks, talked about girls, other writers, stories about our parents, trips to Mexico, the Flaming Lips; then someone went to the toilet. Dennis, turning away Paul, Andrew, beer Paul, jolly, two beer Rosecrans, Clay, three beer Toilet, shot
A photograph of Manhattan taken this morning from Brooklyn and part of a poem by Frank O’Hara, written in 1964. 6:45 am, 11 September 2002 Lunch Poems
I don’t leave New York all that much. Last week I went to California. I’ll just say: I didn’t fare so well. And I really do think there was something wrong, perhaps even deadly, about that hotel. I also had a layover in Phoenix. Here are photos.
Today is my last day at a web design company I’ve worked for since August 1999. In the span of three years, I have: survived 13 rounds of lay-offs; moved offices twice; sat in five different cubicles; received three complimentary massages; drank, approximately, 732 free beverages, mostly seltzer; reported
The seat’s a little on the small side, but you get a personal television screen on Jet Blue. This is, I believe, about the only good thing about the airline. Doubly good since they carry channels I don’t have at home. And here I’m referring specifically to
A friend recently asked me to describe some of my dreams in an email for him to analyze. For the sake of full-disclosure (wait there buddy boy, what full-disclosure? No one asked you to share, and in fact, this desire to share your, what, nocturnal anxieties, is probably a sign
Wad Gets Shirt.
Dork Gets Shirt.
A few pictures taken at the Bastille Day festival in Boreum Hill where we arrived ten minutes too late to play pétanque (they wouldn’t bend the rules for us, even though we had already paid our registration fee and two-thirds of the team were verifiably French) and spent hours
I am not very athletic. I’m currently learning how to play basketball, a sport my fiancée and her entire family are very good at. (They favor college basketball, Tarheels particularly, with good reason: Both parents work at U.N.C, one went to U.N.C, fiancée went to
It’s always had the headlines. That was how it started. That was really why it started. And, naturally, it had to have a nice design. Blogger was our first publishing tool. This site’s first design was a three-column ditty pulled straight from the Blogger stock templates. Had a
I met Paul Ford for drinks a week ago. We sat in the backyard at Iona, an Irish pub in Brooklyn, where they have a ping-pong table set up under a tree and a few beat-up iron and lumber tables. We both drank beer. For an hour, Paul and I
A mispronunciation by President Bush in Japan today caused the yen to lose value against the dollar. White House officials quickly said Mr. Bush had ‘mis-spoken’ and he had meant to say they had talked about deflation. The U.S. President told reporters that he and Japan’s premier had
Only caught two episodes of PBS’s Art:21, but luckily saw the interview with Maya Lin, a name that in my ignorance meant nothing until the show explained she had designed the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, and then I was able to connect the name with the career, a woman
Subway riders refuse to be surprised; hobos, dwarfs, musicians go unnoticed. Everyone’s seen the hip-hop tumbling team before and aren’t impressed by the little kid’s back-flip. I have been yelled at, sat on, even impressed as a candidate for redemption from our Lord Jesus Christ (sometimes an
In today’s Sunday Times:‘Singles Head to [Williamsburg] for Romance’ by Julia Chaplin (all italics added) For decades Brooklynites have put on their slinky best and commuted to Manhattan to lay siege to the velvet ropes in the hope of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right. Now, in a reversal
Yesterday afternoon I was riding home on the subway after a fairly unsuccessful day (the day was just altogether unsuccessful), when three college students – two men, one woman – boarded the train, the two men each carrying a pot full of chili – the three of them presumably on their way to
I’m a bit of a cereal freak. And now I have the only guide I’ll ever need: The Empty Bowl. In addition to recipes, reviews, and ‘The Crunch Test,’ The Empty Bowl also features cereal-related interviews with such fanatics as Dan the Automator: And lastly, what [cereal] mascot
That is from ‘Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird,’ by Wallace Stevens. Stevens is a poet I’ve returned to recently; I read a lot of his work in college on assignments for classes, but for those assignments, read quickly and cursively. There was also a feeling then, and
I’ve been recently re-reading David Sedaris’s Me Talk Pretty One Day, a book that my friend Dmitri gave me in Italy two years ago and had me laughing out loud – crying even – on a crowded beach, lots of Italian hunks and hunk-esses disturbed by the barking American. It
Last night, upon seeing the new iPhoto ad on television, Melissa looks over at me and asks, ‘Why don’t we use iPhoto?’
A giant Ferris wheel is being taken down in Paris’s Place de la Concorde after the mayor said it had overstayed its welcome. ‘When I heard it was coming down, I thought it was a pity,’ Elaine Thompson, a British woman who lives in Paris and was walking past
This morning while exiting the subway terminal, a man, well-dressed – to get straight to the point, quite normal-looking – was ascending the stairs next to me. Jamming his way up as quickly as he could, he tripped halfway up the stairs and came too near permanently affixing the middle of his
I was supposed to have lunch with a friend of my father’s at the Yale Club on Friday; I say supposed because I was turned away – by the coat-check guy – for wearing jeans. Now, I was wearing a tie, jacket, even a shirt with French cuffs, but blue jeans
start blabber: I watched Dog Day Afternoon last night for the first time and have to say I was very impressed; it falls within the late-70s camp of New York films that are well-made, well-written, and bizarrely forgotten by today’s serious directors and writers whose veer towards preciousness and
For the second time I spent the first part of a week in D.C. and – for the first time – I rode the Amtrak Acela, perhaps best described as the Eastern seaboard’s very own Bullet Train. My thoughts of the Acela: nice seats, ho-hum lighting, (same) awful food, nice
A very interesting guide to writing systems, Omniglot; my favorites, for now, are Lontara and Makasar, Gujarti, and Ol’ Reliable Mayan. There is also the numbers 1 to 10 in 4500 languages, grouped by region. Amazing so many languages are still preserved; some countries make this preservation a priority, like
It’s that time of year again, it’s probably sometime this week, and, rest assured, you’re going to make an ass of yourself: the office holiday party. Consider these Office Party Tips from Christmas.com that range from the logical to the ludicrous. For more specialized advice, turn
He wore sunglasses, a black puffy jacket, brown pants, and a pair of deck shoes. He was smoking, something with a brown filter – ruling out Parliaments – and his hair came down to his chin. He was walking slowly East with a FedEx package under his arm. His face was wider
‘Man charged in $2m theft of rare books from Yale’ The 21-year-old from Hamden, Conn., was in court last month on charges he stole $2 million worth of rare books and historic documents from Yale’s Beinecke Rare Book and Manuscript Library, where he held a summer job. After a
Yesterday on my way to work I saw a man, possibly in his seventies, helping someone dressed in a full chicken costume out of the back of a van. After the ‘chicken’ was safely removed from the truck, the man looked to this teenager, presumably knowing him, said, ‘See?’ and
There were three crowds today at Strawberry Fields, Central Park: one around the dial that was built for Lennon’s memorial, another around a group of four guitar players, and a third, disparate, sadder crowd on a grassy hill. There were hundreds of people, of all types and ages, carrying
We had a large party for Andrew’s engagement last night and let me tell you, he was surprised. He and M. came up the stairs at BQE and stood shell-shocked as twenty of us clapped and hooted, then gave cards, presents, free drinks and handshakes that they accepted hesitantly
It was a long, long trip on a long, long train back from Pennsylvania today. Got home – famished and exhausted – dropped the bags, walked deliriously to a favorite restaurant, and dined. A glass of wine in my tired brain later, I heard from an accompanying table: No, no, get this
This morning I went to my favorite local coffee shop for a bagel and some (okay, a lot of) coffee. I was distressed to find this newly posted sign in the seating area: beside XXXX café. I love music, possibly more than anything else in the world, and I always
I curse, you curse, we all curse. But for the imaginative cursers out there, we offer you The Alternative Dictionaries. It’s for those special occasions when you need to know that ‘yeb vas’ means ‘fuck off’ in Russian, or that ‘da'ma'k’ means ‘asshole’ in Azerbaijani.
Now, I may be shooting myself in the proverbial foot with this post, but let’s see. CNN has a five-question interview with Jeff Bridges today, in which he answers questions such as ‘Are we the only life forms in the universe?’ and ‘Do you want your children to become
Overheard Sunday morning; a man on a cell phone: Indeed.
I just emailed Josh the following definitions of strange words and realized that they’re funny enough for everyone to enjoy; this is from a Harper’s excerpt two years ago of the Oxford English Dictionary’s appeal for new words. PuppiesSnirkleSquirtusTruddleCuntify
Is your life complete? Didn’t think so. Loyal reader (and Freedom Trailer Product Positioner) Bob Bennet suggests you look into purchasing a tent-trailer from Freedom Trailer. Ref: compact tent trailer – towed by either car or motorbike. We consider distributors (and agencies) and discounts for ‘Owner’s Groups.’ Please mention
Two notes: A brief history of Don DeLillo’s career, largely culled from the few, previous interviews he’s given, applied to recent events. Long before the World Trade Center attacks, DeLillo understood the profound disconnect between reality and spectacle made possible by modern media. ‘For most people there are
Editors Vow to Find Synonym for ‘Pound’New York TimesL.A. TimesDaily News
‘Twins fashion fighting felines’ by Beth Long Ruth and Rebecca Brown have 4,386 cats. The identical twins from the Maple Glen section of Upper Dublin Township have fashioned thousands of tiny, detailed cats from clay. They’re not just ordinary kitties, either. They are cats in Confederate clothing. Union
‘France’s Downfall: The most comprehensive account of the most sordid period in French history’ by Eugen Weber In May of 1940, when the Germans attacked, the French didn’t know what had hit them. Eight months of phony war had dulled the vigilance of generals. In June the Germans
Yesterday a friend of The Morning News received this random, unsolicited email: Well, Armando, I would suggest the American Standard Washbrook Junior Back Spud both for its engineering integrity and its architectural sublimity. You are very welcome.
We had good seats tonight, seven rows from the stage at Town Hall, two seats on the orchestra’s Eastern aisle. Before it started we waited in a crowd on 43rd St. – mostly young, mostly white – guessing at different percentages for the crowd, such as: What percentage had attended college:
There has been a band marching around Williamsburg this afternoon, eight or ten members strong, like a New Orleans funeral march. The music is jazz-like, samba-ish, led by a group of horns and kept in time by multiple percussionists, each on small, hand-held instruments. I counted a baritone saxophone, trumpet,
Sadly, not much. I spent yesterday afternoon, as seen by my link progress below, reading as much as I could (and there were many things I read that I didn’t feel like linking: columns too short-sighted or venomous, or simply repetitive, academic papers too difficult and contextual to process)
In all the different things I wrote yesterday (and the day before), I remembered this note I’d meant to post: I’d just heard about the second plane crash when a woman approached me on the street, wearing pins for Vallone (one of the mayoral candidates), and asked me
I can’t tell you how sad it is to walk up from Union Square, see the whole length of 14th Street locked off from traffic, the same cloud of smoke I saw above Broadway two days ago still in position, hear the same sirens every few minutes, and then
Summer hasn’t left Brooklyn yet and as my neighbors are playing a repetitive, pounding, techno/rap strain that has made its way through my bedroom wall, I’ve sequestered myself in the living room to ignore the heat and read all day. Plenty of books, a Tupperware bowl of
Jeff from Stones Throw is one of our greatest fans; here’s the email he sent last night to feedback@starbucks.com. We love you too.
While waiting for friends to pay for their orders in a deli, I overheard the following delivery order, as read by the cashier: Penthouse The elements of life, contained in a lunch.
Our proofing team at Horizon Companies has noticed an error in our ways: in a previous note about the movies Shrek and Gone in 60 Seconds, we incorrectly attributed the line ‘I’m not gonna mess around with someone who plays with dog shit!’ to Shrek, whereas it is actually
A game: which of the following lines are from Shrek, a children’s movie about ogres and princesses, and which are from Gone in 60 Seconds, an adult movie about cars and Angelina Jolie? Answers: Gone in 60 Seconds Shrek
As I was walking back from the deli, I saw a cab pull over on Park Avenue for a businessman with his hand out. The businessman got into the backseat of the cab – entering from the right side – while the driver opened his door – on the left side – and emptied
A good article with Chris Ware that is strangely titled ‘A Conversation with Charles Baxter.’ Well, I believe that there’s no substitute for actually looking at a human figure for just a few hours a day and trying to draw it. It’s trying to learn how to see,
Richard Hatch, the winner of the first Survivor show, was arrested yesterday in a domestic dispute with his boyfriend. How interesting is this? Well, the answer is ‘not too.’ In fact, it’s just an excuse to show to you – once again – his weird Web site, Rich Hatch – Dynamic, Versatile
I love end-of-the-world/paranoia/disaster movies – you know the ones: Planet of the Apes (the original, thanks), The Omega Man, Soylent Green (why these all have Charlton Heston in them I’ll never know…). Well, I am very disturbed to have to report this, but there is a site, Human
Overheard conversation on Bedford Avenue: Dude 1: Dude 2:
Scene: Register line at a deli. Characters: D (dude), chugging out of a large Sapporo can. GF (girlfriend), waiting for D to finish drinking. D: GF:(grabs can and finishes off beer) Both wait in line for another thirty seconds, pay for empty beer can, then throw can in trash
Richard Rosner, a former ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ contestant, is suing the show because he claims that the correct answer to the question that knocked him off the show (at the $16,000 mark, incidentally) was not among the four choices he was given. How could an asshole
The man who put up the cash to build the first New York City subway line (from City Hall to 145th Street) was one August Belmont, Jr. He so loved riding his subway line that he commissioned the building of his own private subway car… And when the car was
Overheard conversation while waiting for Jim at Old Town Bar and Grill. part one First Man: Second Man: First Man: Second Man: First Man: Second Man: part two First Man: Second Man: First Man: Second Man:
Hershey’s has a children’s site, called Kidztown, that features a message board that allows users (presumably children) to post questions, one would guess, generally related to chocolate. Some of the questions, however, seem to stray a bit from the subject at hand. And they range from the innocent:
I’m from Austin. And every year thousands of record execs and related debris descend upon the fair city in that grand tradition that is known as South by Southwest. Well, SXSW 2001 just wrapped up: oh yes, that special week when you can’t get a table at your
Don’t know if you’ve seen the ads for this band ‘Crazy Town’ (what kind of a name is that? no, really?) on bus stops around town, but I just took a look at their site, in particular the ‘Who The Fuck Is Crazy Town’ section (that would be
The ’80s were a lot of things, and one of the things it was was (perhaps) unrealistically horrifying, what with all the movies about post-nuclear-war wastelands (hey, there was even a Tom Petty video that depicted a post-nuclear-war wasteland [see the 1982 photo here]). Well, Austin’s own (!) Radio Free
Ah, it was a Grammy Award ceremony to behold. And, yet, it was completely without point or interest. And (and yet), I watched it. Well, except for the part that was on during Temptation Island. But I think something about these Grammys (sp?) should be noted: CNN reported that Eminem,
We heard that you like MP3s. We also heard (from the Coalition for the Future of Music) that everyone’s favorite recording industry entity ‘is forming a pool under the title SoundExchange to attempt to collect and distribute the royalties from webcasters who stream music.’ Fight back here. Also seen
Interesting site concept (it’s faux-Mac OS (which I like), it’s scribbled, it’s hot pink, it’s neat-o), but let’s do without that banner ad, eh? I mean, we’re already on the site…why tell people to go to it? And then link to the page
There’s been talk about how a suppressed economy (read: right now) will nurture a musical environment that is more focused on quality and musicianship. And the only example anyone seems to be able to provide to uphold this ‘theory’ is Nirvana. I suppose everyone’s conveniently forgotten ‘Everything I
The Associated Press ‘reported’ the following in Salon Magazine: Cindy Crawford prefers ‘smart,’ Jennifer Lopez prefers ‘sexy’ Okay, just to keep all that straight: Lopez, Theron, Lil’ Kim – sexy; Boyle, Hatcher, Crawford – smart. But what about Matthew McConaughey? Could he want to be smart and sexy? My god, Matthew, you
For anyone who saw this morning’s edition of the New York Daily News, you know that Al Gore really cut loose at his post-concession get-together. Though the event was, initially, quite somber, given the recent concession, the event soon turned into what The Morning News, had we been in
