Misogyny Soup
Have you thought about the patriarchy today? It’s still happening, you know. It was, and is, everywhere, especially literature. Here is some proof, via condescending love letters and “New Yorker” articles. Sorry to be such a bummer.
Portraits by Other Means
A collection of 21 issues
To Sleep, Perchance to Lose Consciousness
Every night before I go to bed, I like to have a glass of warm almond milk and watch an episode of “Frasier.” What do you do?
Mind the Law
I have a great lawyer—my uncle. He’s helped me with some shady stuff, like speeding tickets and my taxes. Here are some other lawyers you should know about.
Work, Work, Work, Die
Having a job is cool. Once I had the same one for two years, which is 8 percent of my life. I don’t work at that job anymore, so I guess I will not be breaking any tenure records soon.
Get Me Out of Here
Once in a while I think about giving up city life for the great unknown. Somewhere people don’t spit on the subway platform, or where you can get respite from the internet beyond the subway platform. Basically, any place where you don’t spend so much time thinking about the subway platform.
Myers-Briggsing Our Leaders
Sometimes—all the time—I think about presidents and presidential candidates, and what it would be like to meet them. My psychiatrist says it’s because I don’t get enough sleep, but I think it’s because I like to judge peoples’ personalities by their handshakes.
Pity the Progeny
According to Philip Larkin, our parents fuck us up. This is perhaps more true for children of celebrities, dictators, and renowned writers. Who can blame them?
Don’t Look at Me (Look at Me)
Americans take their privacy very seriously, which is why so many of us give all of our personal information to Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter, and then complain about it. Below are some folks who really don’t—or didn’t—want to be found out about.
Comeback Kings and Queens
One of the things I love about America is how willing the public is to accept someone stepping back into the spotlight (most of the time) (athletes especially). Well, you be the judge.
Till Death Do Us Part
All good things must come to an end. Like this column, and many celebrities, writers, and celebrity writers. See you on the other side.