There Will Be Waitresses

Announcer #1: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Announcer #2: Bruuunch.

Announcer #1: Come on down.

Announcer #2: Bring the family!

Announcer #1: We’ve got a whole lot of food.

Announcer #2: For a whole lot of money.

Announcer #1: We’ve got 40-egg omelets.

Announcer #2: Hash browns for days.

Announcer #1: Hash browns for weeks, even.

Announcer #2: The hash brown situation will not be a problem.

Announcer #1: We’ve got tomatoes.

Announcer #2: Sliced up nice.

Announcer #1: We’ve got onions.

Announcer #2: Chopped up in several different ways.

Announcer #1: Mushrooms

Announcer #2: Non-organic.

Announcer #1: Little cubes of ham.

Announcer #2: Pig ham.

Announcer #1: All going into cheese omelets.

Announcer #2: Cheese optional.

Announcer #1: Western omelets.

Announcer #2: Eastern attitude.

Announcer #1: There will be silverware.

Announcer #2: Or you can call it cutlery.

Announcer #1: If you’re Scottish or English or something.

Announcer #2: Or if you’re cruisin’ for a fuckin’ bruisin’.

Announcer #1: We’ve got salt.

Announcer #2: We’ve got pepper.

Announcer #1: We’ve got Spinderella.

Announcer #2: She’s a DJ.

Announcer #1: From when DJs still spun records.

Announcer #2: Not like that mp3 or Myspace business they do these days.

Announcer #1: It’s really a shame.

Announcer #2: Times change.

Announcer #1: We’ve got ice water!

Announcer #2: We’ve got pepperoni faucets.

Announcer #1: I think we’ve got hot sauce.

Announcer #2: For those who like to dabble a little south of the border. If you know what I’m talking about.

Announcer #1: There will be waitresses.

Announcer #2: I think they’re called servers now.

Announcer #1: Oh, I’m sorry.

Announcer #2: I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.

Announcer #1: We’re familiar with herbs.

Announcer #2: But not spices.

Announcer #1: We’ve got eggs Benedict Arnold.

Announcer #2: Your stomach will betray you!

Announcer #1: I see what you did there.

Announcer #2: We’ve got makings for noodles.

Announcer #1: But no actual noodles.

Announcer #2: Soy sauce!

Announcer #1: Ketchup, probably.

Announcer #2: Certainly yellow mustard.

Announcer #1: But no other kinds of mustard.

Announcer #2: You’ll take what we give you.

Announcer #1: Want seconds?

Announcer #2: Seconds are mandatory!

Announcer #1: Cherry pie.

Announcer #2: Greenish pie.

Announcer #1: Parcheesi pie.

Announcer #2: Now I just think you’re trying to one-up me.

Announcer #1: Don’t make this about you.

Announcer #2: Pie filled with remote controls and regret, fuck-faces!

Announcer #1: Bottomless cups of coffee.

Announcer #2: Bottomless busboys.

Announcer #1: Soups!

Announcer #2: We serve it in bowls.

Announcer #1: Small dishes of things.

Announcer #2: Potato salad?

Announcer #1: Soccer salad.

Announcer #2: Salad drippings.

Announcer #1: Laptop pizzas.

Announcer #2: Pizza shots.

Announcer #1: Shots of adrenaline!

Announcer #2: Administered by our in-house R.N.

Announcer #1: Her name is Cindy.

Announcer #2: I thought it was Sally. Which one is Sally?

Announcer #1: We’ve got open tables.

Announcer #2: So come on down!

Announcer #1: We’ve got all these eggs.

Announcer #2: And some quantity of tomatoes.

Announcer #1: They’re not going to eat themselves.

Announcer #2: Don’t forget about our updated hours.

Announcer #1: Midnight to two.

Announcer #2: Tuesdays!

Announcer #1: I thought it was Sundays.

Announcer #2: Sundays!

Announcer #1: You never listen to me.

Announcer #2: But I do.

Announcer #1: I’m rolling my eyes right now.

Announcer #2: They can’t see you.

Announcer #1: I can’t see you.

Announcer #2: What does that even mean?

Announcer #1: Bruuunch!