Arrested at 2:36 a.m. Friday after his Lexus was stopped for speeding, [Mel] Gibson allegedly had a blood-alcohol level of 0.12 percent, over the legal limit of 0.08 percent.
According to a law enforcement official who spoke on condition of anonymity, the Sheriff’s Department’s report says Gibson told the arresting deputy: “The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world,” and asked him, “Are you a Jew?” —AP
Internal Memo: Icon Pictures
From: M. Gibson
To: Production Staff
Guys—
As you know, I’ve been caught with my pants down. (But this time not literally, thankfully.) Under the influence of a deadly disease called alcoholism, I said some crazy things. Things that were totally made up and had never actually crossed my mind before, even casually. For this I am sorry, as the thoughtful statement drafted by my Jew publicist attests.
Due to these recent events, and at my Jew attorney’s behest, I’ve decided it would be prudent to put certain projects from our production slate on hold, at least until all of this mishigas clears up. Below are the Icon projects that are, as of today, “on ice.”
Peace be unto you,
Mel
THE YOM KIPPUR WAR
What if the Jews were responsible for starting the Yom Kippur War? In this re-imagining of those events, they were. After overhearing Israel’s plans to strike Egypt and Syria on their own most holy holiday, one brave Syrian cab driver (Gibson) must race against time to warn the unsuspecting Arab world. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist, or does he know too much? Oliver Stone to scribe. (In Farsi, with Hebrew subtitles)
Production Notes:
—Potential scene: Our cabbie stunt-driving through a peaceful Syrian village, honking his horn wildly and screaming for citizens to stop eating ice cream and helping women lift heavy parcels, and pick up the call to arms. See Conspiracy Theory for cinematic reference.
—Potential scene: Young Syrian boy returning home to find his home decimated by Israeli air strikes. Within the rubble, he finds a copy of the King James Bible. Sitting on a pile of rocks that used to be his home, he begins reading. His expression soon changes from sadness to fascination, and he turns pages faster and faster. He is backlit by a brilliant sunset, and we fade to black as he reads something from the Bible and, slowly, nods his head in approval. In the background, a Jewish soldier eats a Palestinian baby.
AN U.N.CIVIL WAR
As the War of Northern Aggression threatens to tear America asunder, one brave Confederate soldier (Gibson) and the orphan whom he has pledged to find a family (Dakota) cross enemy lines and accidentally stumble upon a dangerous secret about the real cause of the Civil War. Hint: Jews. It’s like Parallax View meets F Troop. (In Zuni, with English subtitles)
THE BATTLE FOR AUSCHWITZ
(Based on the controversial historical study published by Hutton Gibson, available on Xlibris Press)
After the Jews trick Germany into invading Poland, they hole up at Dachau and Auschwitz, in their secret “concentration camps.” (Named so because the Jews use them to concentrate and create plans for world domination. Ask Hutton for citation on this fact.) Funded by the stolen European gold, diamonds, and jewelry they;#8217;ve secreted in their rectums, the Jews begin work on a series of Holocaust documentaries designed to garner international sympathy. Meanwhile, one brave Nazi commandant (Gibson) has discovered their nefarious machinations and, assembling a ragtag team of rogue soldiers (Mayans?), wages a valiant if hopeless struggle to stop the Jews for good, right in their own concentration camp. (In snake language, with crayfish subtitles)
Production Notes:
—Call in a favor to Lucas and ILM to develop CGI finale where the Jews turn into snake people. Want this to look just like the real thing.
THE CHOCOLATE WAR 2: LACTOSE INTOLERANT
A contemporary update of a classic story, this time set in the heart of Jerusalem. A new student at a strict (but fair) Catholic high school is bullied into selling chocolate as a school fund-raiser. When the boy rebels and refuses to participate, it’s an all-out war—fueled by Zionist interests. (In Cockney English, with Queen’s English subtitles)
GALAGA: THE MOTION PICTURE
Jump on the video game-to-film trend with an update of this classic. After a friendly colonization of the volcano planet of Arabion Major, a group of scientists live peaceably alongside Arabion’s indigenous insect-like alien population. Suddenly, that balance is threatened when one of the scientists, Dr. Abraham Shylock, claims the planet for himself. This results in an epic struggle between men and bugs, with the human forces led by one brave Maori scientist/fighter pilot (Gibson) whose crippled spaceship, Lazarus 9, can only move left and right. But mostly right. (In Moonspeak, with English-translated-from-Japanese subtitles)
Production Notes:
—Include a scene where our hero goes apeshit on some galactic moneylenders.
JELLY-TITS, THE IMAGINARY DINOSAUR
meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow one brave meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow jews. (In Xhosa click language, with meow meow subtitles)
Production Notes:
—Did I greenlight this piece of shit? I’m so sorry, guys. Anyway, let’s put in a call to Michel Gondry and see what he makes of it.
