24 April 2007: Afternoon By The Morning News — 24 Apr 2007 "The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals of heroes and they don't need to be told elaborate tales." Jessica Lynch testifies on Pat Tillman's death. Ethiopian separatist group attacks workers at Chinese-owned oil field, killing 74 and taking seven captive. McDonald's and Greenpeace are in the same shaky boat when it comes to Amazonian soy. Betting you'll live to 100 is a smart move, because if you lose, you're dead anyway. Real-life kryptonite discovered but sadly denied its true name. New York City shock jocks suspended after prank call to a Chinese restaurant asking for sex and "shrimp flied lice." The "married to a goat" story really is the BBC's most popular. (The one and only.) As if the world's largest island isn't big enough, Greenland is spawning mini-Greenlands. Former Alaskan legislator grateful for islands when he washes up on one. California company accidentally makes the names and addresses of 263,822 people requesting AstroGlide samples Googleable. Post-surgical Ebert channels Raging Bull. An in-depth analysis of the current state of German toilet paper research. Related: Sheryl Crow was kidding.
