Jan. 21, 2009, 9:08 AM
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Does this chair seem high to you?
SENIOR ADVISOR DAVID AXELROD: High?
OBAMA: Yeah, do I look like I’m sitting too high at the desk?
AXELROD: A little. Can you—can you lower it?
OBAMA: No, it’s one of those old ones. Do you think I can get a new one? Or did Teddy Roosevelt use this or something?
AXELROD: No idea. It’s probably best just to get used to it.
OBAMA: I’m afraid to touch anything in here.
Jan. 25, 2009, 11:50 a.m.
SENATOR ARLEN SPECTER (on speakerphone): Well, I’m sorry, Mr. President, but with the stimulus bill the way it is now I simply can’t give you my support.
OBAMA: Well, you’re going to regret this, Arlen. I’ve already got enough Republicans on board, so I don’t need you. So you think long and hard about whether you want to piss me off for a vote that won’t make any difference!
(button being pushed)
OBAMA: I tell you what, Rahm, I hope he doesn’t see through that bluff. I really need him on this.
SPECTER: Uh, I’m still on.
OBAMA: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
(button being pushed)
OBAMA: Hello?
SPECTER: Still here.
OBAMA: How does this stupid phone hang up?!
(multiple buttons being pushed)
SPECTER: Still on.
VICE-PRESIDENT BIDEN (on speakerphone): Hello? Did someone conference me in?
Jan. 31, 2009, 7:55 a.m.
(door opening)
PRESS SECRETARY ROBERT GIBBS: Mr. President? Sir?
OBAMA: (snoring) …wha? What?
GIBBS: Mr. President, did you sleep here overnight?
OBAMA: I…I forgot how to get upstairs. I’ve been too embarrassed to ask for directions.
GIBBS: Something smells bad.
OBAMA: I haven’t seen my family in three days.
Feb. 5, 2009, 2:40 p.m.
CHIEF OF STAFF RAHM EMANUEL: Did the President say when he’s coming back?
ATTORNEY GENERAL ERIC HOLDER: He should be here by now. I guess he’s running late.
EMANUEL: Is this the switch for the lights? It’s dark as hell in—
ELECTRONIC VOICE: GREETINGS, MR. PRESIDENT. ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODES FOR NUCLEAR FORCES MOBILIZATION.
EMANUEL: Oh, shit!
HOLDER: Let’s get out of here!
(doors opening and slamming)
Feb. 8, 2009, 3:30 p.m.
OBAMA: How about here?
FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA: Next to Washington? It makes it look cheap.
OBAMA: OK, how about over here, next to the door?
FIRST LADY: Barack, you have a bust of Thomas Jefferson right below it. It’ll look cluttered.
OBAMA: OK. How about right on the door itself?
FIRST LADY: That’s just tacky.
OBAMA: Look, if I can’t keep the Mad Men poster, just tell me, OK?
Feb. 12, 2009, 6:43 p.m.
GENERAL GEORGE W. CASEY, JR: What we’re looking at here is a scaling-up of forces in Afghanistan, and I don’t think we—
(porcelain breaking)
BIDEN: Is that coffee? Please tell me that’s not coffee!
CASEY: I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t even see the table!
OBAMA: Just—just someone find some paper towels! It’s spreading, it’s spreading!
ADMIRAL GARY ROUGHEAD: We need baking soda!
DEFENSE SECRETARY ROBERT GATES: Everyone fan out! Find the kitchen!
(doors opening and closing)
(long pause)
BIDEN: Jesus, it’s right on the eagle, too.
OBAMA: Man. (sighs) The Republicans are gonna have a field day with this.
Feb. 18, 2009, 1:15 p.m.
IRANIAN PRESIDENT MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD: We want to take the opportunity of your historic election to re-establish a mutually beneficial relationship.
OBAMA: That’s good to hear, Mr. President. And we’re equally—
(door opening)
CABLE REPAIR MAN: Hey, this the room?
OBAMA: Yeah, right over there on the far wall.
AHMADINEJAD: What the hell?
OBAMA: Sorry, this was the only window I could get for this week. Let’s just ignore it.
CABLE REPAIR MAN: I gotta put a line through here.
OBAMA: That’s fine. What were we saying, Mr. President?
AHMADINEJAD: Well, the importance of—(masonry drill whirring)
OBAMA: I’m sorry, what?
AHMADINEJAD: I said, you cannot underestimate the danger of—(masonry drill whirring)
OBAMA: I’m sorry, the drill, just a little louder?
AHMADINEJAD: I SAID, MUTUAL RESPECT IS THE—(masonry drill whirring)
OBAMA: One more time.
AHMADINEJAD: You know what, we’re just going to keep funding Hezbollah.
OBAMA: You gotta be kid—(masonry drill whirring)
Feb. 20, 2009, 10:25 p.m.
FIRST LADY: Oh, Barack… (giggling) …no, not here! Are you crazy?
OBAMA: Come on, baby…right here…it’ll be so hot…
FIRST LADY: Oh, you’re so naughty…
OBAMA: Mmmm…let’s get you on the desk…
FIRST LADY: Oh, yes…yes…OW! I hit something—
ELECTRONIC VOICE: GREETINGS, MR. PRESIDENT. ENTER AUTHORIZATION CODES FOR NUCLEAR FORCES MOBILIZATION.
FIRST LADY: Oh, shit!
OBAMA: Let’s get out of here!
(doors opening and slamming)
