24 August 2001
"Waiting for Guffman" edition"It's like in a Hitchcock movie, you know, where they tie you up in a rubber bag and throw you in the trunk of a car.": Bush says U.S. will withdraw from AMB Treaty, though at "a time
The Morning News
23 August 2001
NATO troops begin collecting weapons from ethnic Albanians.Brooklyn tenant charged with beating and burning city marshall sent to evict her.Israel continues seek-and-assassinate plan.General Accounting Office issues warning on Bush's move to cut federal environmental enforcement.50+ music publishers and songwriters file suit against
22 August 2001
NATO launches Macedonia mission--to last 30 days--with Brits at helm.Senator Helms to announce that he will not seek re-election, and that he's gay!White House says surplus down forty-four percent from original estimates.Citizens in South-Western Germany hear buzzing; some fear U.
21 August 2001
White House considers backing out of plans to remove 50 tons of plutonium from warheads.Portugal favors treatment over incarceration for drug addicts.Bush calls on Congress to approve his education and defense spending immediately.Amazon will allow some purchased items to be picked up at Circuit City stores.A
20 August 2001
Unless the White House redoes the numbers, it will spend billions from Social Security, and the Democrats can't wait.Hamas vows suicidal-revenge on Israeli-sponsored assassinations.America sold half of the weapons bought last year.Bush announces new initiative to destroy vampires.Estimates say 60 percent of
17 August 2001
"Caddyshack" edition"It's easy to grin / When your ship comes in / And you've got the stock market beat": Five Hollywood studios announce joint venture to rent downloadable films."When you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free
16 August 2001
The article that got its editor arrested: Zimbabwe police involved in pillaging.Tentative peace in Macedonia before 400 U.K. troops arrive.IMF believes Bush's tax cuts to be twice as costly as the White House predicts.White House education plan makes schools into businesses and education a
15 August 2001
Israel plans a second ground attack at Palestine, suggesting war.Japan's PM Koizumi visited Yasukani, a shrine that honors former military masterminds, to court conservative votes but gained national wrath instead.Bush decides to soften federal rules that would ensure basic care for those on Medicaid.Floridians warned
14 August 2001
Israel raids West Bank town Jenin; Palestine appeals for U.N. protection.Charleston, SC, plans slavery museum.America's eldery head to Tijuana for cheap prescription drugs.Leading South African businessman warns of Zimbabwean-style-attacks if white business doesn't share more.Eighteen percent of personal pages
13 August 2001
Zimbabwe farmers evacuate as mobs take over, with federal approval.Another suicide bomber strikes Israel, injuring 15.The secret of Wintour's confidence: Teen Vogue, unlike all other teenage girl magazines, begins accepting breast-enlargement ads, claiming teenagers know difference between ads and ads-nots.School principals fear the