Disarm an Angry Uncle Like a Pro
Make it through a family holiday gathering in one piece with these tactics from the FBI’s former lead international kidnapping negotiator.
holidays
A collection of 67 issues
This Bird’s Life
Leave the pardoning to the president. For one budding farmer, some truths are self-evident: that turkeys are stupid, dirty, and very mean.
Life Before Death
If you had to choose between the life of a loved one or the survival of a dozen other people, would you be capable of a rational decision?
Groundhog Days
In Woodstock, Ill., where “Groundhog Day” was filmed, hundreds of fans gather every year, year after year, to celebrate their favorite movie.
Um for the Holidays
It's the most wonderful time of year, but for atheists and agnostics, it means something altogether different. We asked a group of non-believers to tell us how they’re spending their secular holiday seasons.
We Don’t Eat It Here
People living in countries that aren’t the US explain the meaning of Thanksgiving, from the splendor of “harvest day” to the tradition that is gun violence.
The Retreat
How to spend a holiday alone and not get lonely, with adventures in BBQ, books, rummage shops, and cabin porn.
Day of the Goose
Small towns around Europe host goose-pulling days—contests to snap the necks of birds at high speed. In the name of sport and pride, a tradition from the Middle Ages prospers, criticism notwithstanding.
My Scummy Valentine
The only thing worse than Valentine's Day is a crappy Valentine's Day. A handful of TMN writers and editors dish (anonymously) on their worst dates—crying men, rugby brawls, and a dislocated sacroiliac joint.
The Misplaced Birthday of President George Washington
The truth behind Washington’s Birthday, President’s Day, Presidents’ Day, or whatever the hell you want to call it, as briefly explained by puppets.
2013 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Which is just as well, because she wouldn't have liked the gift you bought for her at the last minute. Gift ideas for the ungifted.
Our Hallow’s Eve
When dementia gets its grip on a father who always loved slasher movies, a daughter struggles to hold on—if only to the ghost of recognition.
Lots of Oil Fields Around Here
A special Fourth of July edition of our series where an editor randomly calls people in small towns around America to see what’s happening.
A Supposedly Fun Thing I Will Probably Do Again
Yesterday morning, a plane landed at an airport. A man who was or was not a famous actor, and a writer who was or was not in love with him, stood on the verge of finally meeting. A Valentine's Day story for the romantic and/or foolish at heart.
2012 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
'Twas the day before Christmas, when all through the house still no presents were purchased—again, you're a louse. Gift ideas for the ungifted.
Liner Notes for Christmas
Christmas is a time for family and friends and very weird songs that only get played once a year. Eleven holiday songs researched and fact-checked to explain their appeal, including the mystery behind endorphins solely released by Mariah Carey.
Secret Horror
Yes, yes, “The Exorcist” and “Night of the Living Dead” are reliably traumatizing, but at this point they’re comfort food, and there’s plenty more to discover in the world of horror cinema.
The Ghost of Berserker Christmas
Don’t worry this Christmas if your grandfather shoots up the neighborhood—it’s all in keeping with 200 years of tradition that have been whitewashed by consumerism. How wild Christmas—night of carousing, gambling, and booze—became family-friendly.
Happy Misgivings
Thanksgiving is an American holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not celebrated elsewhere. And each of those celebrations—in Liberia, in Leiden, in the South Pacific—give us fresh reasons to be grateful for our own messed-up version.
Home for the Holiday Tech Support
When the annual trip home becomes a customer-service visit to “fix the internet,” sometimes even bourbon can't save the day. We gathered a half-dozen of our favorite tech writers and editors to help anticipate the headaches of 2011.
2010 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
You made your list, you checked it twice, then you waited until the last minute to do any of your shopping. Ideas for gifts for everyone on your list, whether they want them or not.
Give and Take
December is the season for taking: taking money from strangers; taking care to avoid crying on the phone. Holiday confessions from a charity call-center employee.
What It Takes to Make the Sainthood
Saturday is election day. Sunday is the Super Bowl. From Mardi Gras nights to mayoral panels, our writer surveys two big fights in New Orleans to get things right.
2009 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
It's that time of year again--actually, it's way past that time of year. And again, you still haven't done your holiday shopping.
New Year's Realizations
Before tackling our shortcomings in January, we thought it would be good to celebrate the year in personal bests. Our staff and readers share their proudest moments.
Happy Challah-days
For its holiday promotion, a retailer enlisted hundreds of dancers to dress up like elves in Union Square. A break dancer and former Orthodox Jew was among their ranks.
Untraditional Traditions
Year after year, it's the unique ways we celebrate the holidays that make them worth celebrating. Our staff and readers share their uncommon customs.
It's a Conspiracy
With the anniversary of the "moon landing" and the continued clamors of the birthers, conspiracy theories are in the news again. Here are our favorite shadowy plots.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate Family
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. We step in with some last-minute advice for a reader confused by a Christmas party conundrum: Do friends and family mix?
2008 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
It's a holiday tradition: You're giftless mere hours until Christmas, and it's printouts and January ETAs for the unlucky few on your list. Gift ideas for the eternally belated.
How to Go Caroling
'Tis the season to be jolly, all over the cul-de-sac, on your neighbors' porches, against your neighbors' most fervent holiday wishes.
Christmas Carols, Revised for the Recession
Not only reckless, “dashing through the snow” appears wasteful, certainly not a prudent act in uncertain times.
Our 2008 Holiday Letter
No matter how factual the accomplishments gained or the tragedies sustained, holiday letters, like the season itself, are often sugarcoated. But not this time.
Vacation Destinations
With Memorial Day just around the corner, our thoughts are turning to getting the heck out of town. Where to? Well, the TMN readers and writers have some recommendations.
2007 Holiday—uh—Christmas Survival Guide for Slackers—uh—Cultural Warriors
Talented gift-givers put time and thought into selecting presents for their loved ones. Gift ideas for the ungifted.
Gift Subscriptions
A gift in the mail is a joy to open--a gift every month (or less) trumps that. For those stumped on how to tie up their holiday shopping, our resident shopping expert advises you to pour yourself some ’nog, and order a few magazines.
Axis of Evil: Annual Letter to Our Members
’Tis the time of year for annual reports, holiday cards, and family update letters.
Behind the Mask
This October, while you were shopping for fake blood and a glue-on mustache to complete your zombie Tom Selleck costume, others were dressing up and making the news.
Independence Day
Coney Island celebrated the Fourth by crowning the first American hot-dog eating champion in seven years.
2006 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
It's always better to give than to receive--at least that's what your loved ones say, just as they're about to open another present from you.
I'll Be Home for Christmas
The joy of having interns is dreaming up ludicrous projects for them to complete. We dispatched our own New-York newcomer to visit every possible holiday event he could find in the city and report back.
Our Favorite Gifts
The most meaningful gifts are so personal they cannot simply be plucked from the shelves of a store--but sometimes we need a little help. Turning holiday inspiration into shopping salvation, the writers recall their fondest gift memories.
The Gift of the Magi
It’s Christmas morning, and a couple’s yuletide glee is under siege by the secular progressives. A provocative television personality and 19th century author spins their tale.
Dawn’s Early Fright
Every Fourth of July, numerous Americans celebrate independence by detonating explosives near their loved ones. From 2006, one family raises the white flag of surrender.
We Are Mapmakers
Going home for the holidays inspires remembering, but bringing your own children home adds a twist--will their recollections be anything like yours?
2005 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
You made your list, checked it twice, and still haven't bought a single gift. With just over 48 hours to go, it's gift cards or IOUs--or these suggestions for the presents nobody will forget, no matter how much holiday cheer they down.
Twelve Calendar Gifts for a Happy New Year
In 2006 you will remember every birthday, every tooth cleaning, every oil change and tune-up. Your mother will get flowers; you will turn your mattress; you will schedule your vacation months in advance. Our writer picks the calendars that will help.
How James Yeh Is Celebrating Christmas in San Francisco
Sometimes you can't make it home for the holidays: Just ask our writer, who recently moved away from his hometown in rural South Carolina. We asked people from his high school what they thought he was up to; here's what we learned.
Weighing in About the Holidays
The holidays pose awful temptations for people watching their weight—especially if they’re gourmet cooks with families to entertain.
Sour Eggnog: Allegations of Child Abuse
Local authorities scramble to investigate allegations of abuse on Christmas morning.
Fifteen Luxury Gifts Worth the Splurge
Maybe you're feeling especially generous, maybe you did something unforgivable, maybe you're just loaded. Our shopping expert suggests gifts they'll remember for years.
Holiday Travel Hell
It's a toss-up for what's worse about Thanksgiving: visiting the family homestead, or simply getting there. Our travel stories.
Cup-a-Soup and Candy Canes (December)
Part of becoming a father is accepting responsibility for how another person turns out. But can you hold your own family responsible too? And is it smart to gather them all on a cruise to find out? Our writer continues his illustrated saga.
Dead Rabbit and Beyond (November), Part II
Leaving New York for Ohio, even for a short time, is an exercise in real-estate envy and relaxation, except for all those drunk cowboys. Our writer continues his tale of pregnancy with a new episode about patience and gunfire.
Dead Rabbit and Beyond (November)
You can have a successful career in your thirties and still pretend you’re 18, carousing at clubs and sleeping on a futon. But to have a baby at the same time? Our writer continues the Peanut with a new installment on adulthood.
2004 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
Every year you show up with a stack of giftcards from Rite-Aid. And every year your family roasts your chestnuts for waiting until the last minute to do your shopping. This year will be different.
Saying Grace
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we show how saying grace before a holiday meal doesn't have to be a chore, and how if you know what to say, your thoughtful words may make the holidays more special. And then sometimes not.
Pizza Party USA
Every four years at the end of February, we've got that extra day. Is it special? Well maybe it should be.
2003 Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
Last year you did all your shopping on the drive to grandmother's house, but this year you've got a chance to make good.
Free Red Wine and Other Humiliations
Your parents and friends enjoy Christmas for similar reasons: your personal embarrassment, shame, and discomfort, assuming you’ve behaved badly enough to warrant their bowls full of jelly.
Where I'm Coming From
Southerners routinely get trashed up north, where they're either derided as racists or hayseeds, or the offspring of siblings.
How to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner
You’ve got less than two days to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. Is the menu set? Do you have a cooking timetable ready? Uh oh. Sage advice for those whose stuffing isn’t quite ready for prime time.
Happy New Year From Sam Nougat
The bringing of a new year suggests reconciliation, a time for us to forgive our relatives any faults from last year. Or, ask them to forgive us.
After the 12 Days of Christmas
Yearly these 12 days of Christmas bring us many gifts: partridges, pear trees, and many maids equipped with pails. Our writer recounts the bevy of presents, and responds.
Holiday Survival Guide for Slackers
Don't know what to get your (sorta) loved ones for the holidays? Well, there's always powdered urine.
Holiday Gift Guide
Thanksgiving's over, Chanukah's in full swing, and Christmas is right around the corner. Our recommendations for what to get that special someone, i.e., yourself.
Customer Serviced
The holidays are approaching, and mail-order is king. Gifts, however, are no good unless there’s someone to take your order. Our writer reports from a call center at one of America’s largest retailers.