Senator Brock O. Alabama

A decidedly more “American” first name, “Brock” could be your corn-fed, record-setting high school quarterback from Indiana. Middle initial may stand for “Opportunity.” As for “Alabama,” well, that sounds better than “Brock O. Bible Belt.”
 

Senator Barack “Blitzkrieging Barry” Obama

Nicknames: America loves them, and they’re crucial in helping people accept entities foreign and unknown. This strategy worked well for African-American baseball legend Henry “Hammerin’ Hank” Aaron, who was one-hundred-percent black; considering Obama’s evenly split black and white heritage, could be twice as effective.

Senator “Ba Rock”

With professional wrestling and action movies setting record popularity levels, this may be the easiest way to lock in the 18-to-25 demographic. Would need to hire personal trainer, however.
 

Senator Barack Omaha

A geographical reference calls to mind two patriotic ideas: a bustling agricultural hamlet centrally located in the American heartland, and that ill-fated beach at Normandy where so many of our countrymen laid their lives upon the altar of freedom. Synonymous with hard work, sacrifice, courage. Plus, Nebraska would be a lock.
 

Senator Borat Obama

Great juxtaposition. Still serious in Congress, but fun and free-spirited on the street. Also, celebrates the American immigrant identity for those who falsified their immigrant identities. Easy campaign slogan: “Presidential Runnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of America.”
 

Senator Hillarack Rodham Obadham

Good old-fashioned political fun-poking may be the psychological key needed to edge out Obama’s foremost opponent in the Democratic primary. Could also cause some beneficial confusion at the polls.
 

Senator Barack Osama

Addresses that difficult-to-ignore name similarity with the world’s most infamous terrorist. Connotes honesty, courage, and resolve to accept head-on the challenges put in front of you. Perhaps grow a long, wavy beard and become more nomadic?
 

Senator Iraq Osama

Like above, but braver.
 

Grand Wizard Barack Obama

Such bravado could be detrimental to the candidate’s public profile, but could also be effective in courting new constituents, particularly those residing in active Klan territories. More to the point than, say, Senator Nathan Bedford Forrest. Also, possesses an authoritative flair the Dems fall short on.
 

Senator Barack W. Obama

“W”: A magical initial that’s historically helped even the most under-qualified of presidential candidates reach the Oval Office. Couldn’t hurt.
 

Senator John McCain (R-AZ)

For whatever reason, this just sounds like a winner.