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The Non-Expert

What About Blackberry?

Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we test whether therapy is conductable over portable email devices.

Have a question? Need some advice? Ignored by everyone else? Send us your questions via email. The Non-Expert handles all subjects and is updated on Fridays, and is written by a member of The Morning News staff.

 

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Question: You guys harshed on Blackberries recently, but don't you think they actually can make some things more efficient? Why all the hate?? —Jason

Answer:

Dear Dr. Marvin,

I hope you’re having a great vacation. I am in my apartment right now, emailing you! So I guess you’re receiving this on your Blackberry?

Stay cool,
Bob




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Bob,

As I explained in my office, I’m on a blackberry only for emergencies. If you have any therapy meeds, you should get iin touch with my colleague dr delby. Ask my secretary for his information. Ill see you when I get back, bob. Have a happy and relacxing summer.

Dr. Marvin

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Hey Doc,

Thanks for answering back so quick. I have been thinking about getting a raspberry too, they sound really cool. Which model do you recommend? Also, where are you vacationing this summer? I hear Hudson Valley’s very nice.

Bob

 

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It’s called a Blackberry, Bob, and the only reason I have one is because I cancelled my answering service, and right now I can’t be out of contact with my publisher.

We’re not in the hudson valley, Bob. Please contact dr. Delby if you need to schedule an appointment before I get back to the city.

Baby steps,
Dr Marvin

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Dr. Martin, good morning. I received three messages today from people saying I don’t get hard erections. How do they know this? It’s really embarrassing; I think we should talk about it. Is there an easy train service I can take from the city to Cape Cod?

I bet if I had a blackberry they wouldn’t say things about my erections. How are the wife and kids? Does your family have blackberries too?

: p

Bob

 

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Bob,

Nobody is saying anything about your erections. I get the same messages too. Everybody does. See you when I get back.

Dr. Martin

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Dear Dr. Martin,

Good morning again. I want you to know I’m thinking about taking a vacation. I read a newspaper story today about East Hampton. Have you been there, would you recommend it? This afternoon I’m going blackberry shopping because I don’t think it’s safe anymore to go on vacation without a blackberry.

Did you hear any news about the book? My neighbor subscribes to a publishing newsletter, I saw your name mentioned in an article on the front page.

(And wow, you have erection problems too?! I can’t believe it. Does Mrs. Martin know? J/K. But you don’t know how much better that makes me feel. Thank you Dr. Martin. A baby step for mankind, but a giant step for Bob.)

Bob

 

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Hey Dr. Martin, it’s been about an hour since I last talked to you, didn’t hear back. Normally you reply right away. Is everything alright? If you want I’m happy to come visit, I can be a real help around the kitchen. Anyway, do you know anything about the Treo 650? I think that might be my best option, but I haven’t given up on the Blackberry yet! BTW, sorry to hear about your book.

Bob

 

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Hey doc, its been about a minute, haven’t heard from you. OK. I’ll be going out now. Right now. Out the door—but only across the street!

 

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Hey hey I’M IN RADIO SHACK RIGHT NOW EMAILING!!!! this is so cool doc no wonder you have one of these things. We can be bb-buddies now!

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Hey doc the guy at the store loaded on this cool program on my raspberry and now I can search all these informartion listings. AND GUESS WHAT? I found your listing in Sag Harbor???? AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? I am sending this from a bus!

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Btw (that’s bb-talk for by the way) the Google maps program on this thing says I should take a left on Hampton street to reach your house, but if you ask me, a right on Amity looks faster. What do you think?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Bob,

It was highly inappropriate for you to come here bob. Rash actions like this damage the patient-doctor relationship.

I apologize for being away from my email earlier, but I dropped by blackberry in the water while I was teaching my son how to dive. I just got a new one in town, and am messaging you from the cell phone store next to the liquor store. Please turn around and meet me here. I’ll wait for you.

What about my book?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Hey doc this place is great! So pretty. I can’t believe I’ve never come before. But listen, I’d love to meet you except you won’t believe who I just ran into—your son and wife at the ice cream store. Turns out we all love ice cream AND the beach so we’re all going swimming. Hope to see you later?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Which beahc bob? I’m sure my wife told you about my sons dairy allergy rihgt bob?

Which beach and ill meet you.

What happened with my book?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Too late for the beach doc! We’ve moved on but wow, Siggy is an incredible diver! No we’ve just leaving the farmer’s market, Fay wanted to get some fresh corn for dinner tonight, and I don’t know where we’re going next—the kids won’t tell me, they keep teasing me for having a blackberry, they say I’m just like you!

Say, do you know how to turn off that “sent from my blackberry” signature?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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I’m going back to the house Bob. Please meet me there ASAP.

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Actually wait bob. Don’t meet me at the house. Don’t even go anbywhere near the housre. “Ert me know you got this asap.

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

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Bob are you there?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Ok bob. I don’t knwo where you are, but you need to meet me here now.

Make sure Fay and the kids stay at the house. Did she buy flowers? Never mind, just meet me in one hour.

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Hey doc. I’m on my way! Sorry I missed your note, I was back at the house with the fam and there was this camera crew—they said since you didn’t make some interview, I’d be the perfect person to talk about your book since I’ve learned so much from it! But Fay sent me out for ice cream and I’m walking and it’s starting to melt, can I stop taking baby steps now?

Bob

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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I’m waiting bob. And you’re alone right?

I think we need an emergency session, and if anyone else is around, I’m concerned there may be too many distractions.

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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Neat, I’ll be right there. Emergency session! I’m a couple minutes away. How will I find you?

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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I’ll find you. Just let me knwo when you’re here in case I missed you.

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

 

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OK, I’m here, but Doc, I don’t see you! But I do have a surprise—I brought the newspaper clipping with me. They say yours is the best book since A Night Without Armour, now I don’t know that book but I know I’ll buying 20 of yours.

So the Google maps thing puts me right near a cliff. Is that correct? I’ve been calling out your

Sent from my Blackberry Wireless Handheld
 

Note: This story was, in fact, composed on two Blackberries