All the Bikes We Cannot See
A record number of injuries and disqualifications in this year’s Tour de France is being blamed on addictions to contemporary fiction.
spoofsandsatire
A collection of 252 issues
What Think-Piece Writers Get Wrong About Lobotomies
The web is full of pundits looking to turn every topic into think-bait. One writer commits himself to thinking much, much deeper.
My Date With Don Draper
The TV series Mad Men is set to begin its final season. Finally we’ll know how many women—and how much Proust—it takes to make Don Draper happy.
Death Means No Reversible Error
Whenever lethal injection drugs are unavailable, Utah will allow death-row prisoners to choose death by firing squad, citing it as the most “humane” option.
Big Time
When viral stardom strikes, your entire future is suddenly within reach—would you capture it or just let it slip?
HBO’s Treme Corners You at a Party
When art is staring you in the face, you can’t look away.
The World According to Brian Williams
A look back at the dethroned NBC Nightly News anchor’s storied history, in his own words.
The Apocalypse Will Be Televised
When the world ends, CNN won’t be the only channel with a doomsday video ready for broadcast.
Gods and Kings and Middle Managers
Recent astronomical discoveries have expanded our understanding of the universe—and messed up godhead performance reviews.
New York Fashion Week at My House
A visit to the New York studio/living room of a family’s style director who has a week’s worth of laundry ahead of her.
Kafka’s Kickstarter
The latest works from the author will be given with pleasure, and received with thanks, but we need your support.
This Will Be the Year That Was
If you can't wait to find out what 2015 will bring—from John Galliano's Cosby sweaters to Jenny McCarthy getting polio—wait no longer. (Spoilers ahead.)
Admirable Restraint
Understatement can help us cope with disaster. But in the case of Paul McCartney, a little doesn’t always go a long way.
The Statue in the Corner
It's time once again for our annual Halloween ritual, where we dust off a classic urban legend and reanimate it with a few new endings.
The Great Gtzzby
The Jazz Age blasts into orbit, adding oxygen parties and mighty pincers to the rise-and-fall decadence of the intergalactic one percent.
To Chilling Effect
Only the truly trained can accurately describe how despair sounds without a noise filter. A sound technician finishes his horror movie script.
We Are Not Beasts, We Are Gurus
Stranded on a desert island, a panel of self-help authors must rely on their wits and catchphrases to survive.
A Brief History of Bloggering
Even a fake history of blogging—going back to the Old Internet, when HTML templates were so raw—offers insight into how we reached today’s web and survived comments.
The Mall of the Wild
Even cable series must adapt to survive. Possible spinoffs of “Naked and Afraid” explore charted territory.
This God’s for You
A man and a supreme being walk into a bar. It’s a hokey joke until one day it’s true and the big man starts offering tax advice.
This Will Be the Year That Was
At the dawn of 2014, we anticipate what will happen in our new year. This is what will happen.
Greetings From Sloane-10b
As New York real estate prices skyrocket, it’s time to head where no gentrifier has gone before.
From Beyond the Grave
Convinced his wife was buried by mistake, a widower insists on unearthing her body. What happens when they open the coffin? As is our Halloween ritual, TMN writers share their own endings to the story.
Spies Like Them
A group of gray-haired representatives from across Europe gather in a central London gentlemen’s club to discuss the United States’ aggressive spying techniques.
There Will Be Waitresses
Radio advertising has gotten ridiculous—incendiary spots for monster-truck rallies and ladies’ nights at clubs. But surely the most appalling ads are for brunch.
More Home Runs Are Hit With Guns Than Baseball Bats
What happens before an NRA-commissioned—or rather, university-approved—study reaches the public.
Our Bad
In light of the ongoing Snowden leak, the National Security Agency has begun mailing apology notes to private citizens. However, since it did take the time to read your correspondence, advice may be included.
Natural Born Tourists
When a vacation rental doesn’t live up to expectations, when that “charming Montauk cabin” turns out to be a shed, one family’s solution is passive-aggressive guestbook commentary.
Put These on My Byline
In line at the grocery store, the economics of online writing.
Pope Fabulous
Pope Francis's recent remark that he would not judge gay priests was a revolutionary moment for the church—a moment, in fact, worth twerking into verse.
With Great Power
There’s a new Spider-Man movie in the works, but it’s not the one you're expecting. Thanks to the magic of crowd-funding, it could be the summer blockbuster nobody sees.
It’s Complicated
Though mothers may gnash their teeth at forgotten flowers and missing brunches, the poets still sing of the worst Mother’s Day ever: that of Oedipus and his bride.
The Pyongyang Papers
North Korea’s intentions are unknown for the moment. But its memos are, at the very least, straightforward. The TMN staff uncovers a worldwide exclusive: internal documentation of the DPRK’s plans for the remaining calendar year.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Wed
To wed or not to wed? There’s the rub. Revisiting Tom Stoppard’s classic in the era of gay marriage.
Pope Francis of Carhartt
The media has labored to stress the humility of the 266th and current Pope of the Catholic Church. But somehow they missed his taste for Burt Reynolds movies, and other signs of holy humbleness.
Papal Haze
Even as the Roman Catholic world prepares to welcome its 267th leader, the papacy remains mysterious and misunderstood. It's time to explore the world of popes!
Everyone Popes
Former Pope Benedict XVI has left the Vatican, returning to his former life. But even with the church's retirement package, how can private citizenship compare? A poem for Mr. Ratzinger.
A Supposedly Fun Thing I Will Probably Do Again
Yesterday morning, a plane landed at an airport. A man who was or was not a famous actor, and a writer who was or was not in love with him, stood on the verge of finally meeting. A Valentine's Day story for the romantic and/or foolish at heart.
Mea Culpa, Oprah
Ever since Lance Armstrong told Oprah about his persistent doping, lying, and just plain being mean, celebrities are lining up for their own public confessions. Starting with “Breaking Bad’s” Walter White.
Handicapped Children
All parents like to believe their children are special. But horse breeders know better: Progeny can be unique, but for very particular reasons. How to be more honest about your offspring and their ability to finish in the money.
This Will Be the Year That Was
Already 2013 has seen America drive off the fiscal cliff, only to freeze momentarily, then either reverse in mid-air or drop straight into the canyon—depending on how you look at it. Here's more of what to expect over the next 12 months.
Words Fail
This is the essay for your community college poetry class, the essay that encapsulates your thoughts on the assigned work in written form, the essay you started this morning, the essay that is due today.
Stop, Don’t Shoot
You witness an incident occur directly in front of you. You see every detail. There's time to help—but should you get involved? A handy guide for photographers.
The Missing Bride
A bride disappears on her wedding day, never to be seen again—or will she? Continuing a grand TMN Halloween tradition, our writers and editors craft new endings to a familiar tale.
MarketStrong
After resigning in disgrace from the charity he helped found and losing his sponsorship with Nike, Lance Armstrong now must cope with the leak of his new memoir—excerpted here.
Dear Literary Magazine
Every day, rejections from lit mags flood the inboxes of thousands of writers the world over. Today, one writer changes all that.
Coming to a Theater Near You
With blockbusters like “Snow White and the Huntsman,” “Zombie Overkill,” and “Yahtzee: Alien Invasion,” it’s already a smash hit for summer movies. But film buffs know Summer 2013 will be even better—and we’re not just talking about Jerry Bruckheimer’s live-action “Hungry Hungry Hippo Apocalypse.”
Doomsday Slackers
We open the bunker on doomsayers preparing for the end of civilization—but not all them will survive the first hour of armageddon.
From the Files of the Dream Police
They’re waiting for you. They’re looking for you. Every single night they’re on duty, ready to drive you insane. Stories from the blotter of the men inside your brain.
Our Future National Pastime
Predictions for the baseball season ahead from someone who hasn’t paid attention to sports statistics since the 1992 Orioles.
Life After Long-Term Unemployment
You wanted it. You were willing to give up BBC dramas for it. Now it’s time to readjust to the working life. Welcome back.
This Will Be the Year That Was
As 2012 hatches, many face the new year with trepidation and excitement. Whose political fortunes will shine brightest? Were the Mayans right? Here are startlingly accurate predictions for the year ahead.
Yoga for Presidential Candidates
Running for president is stressful and allows little time for exercise. But a special set of yoga positions, from the Downward-Facing Spiral to a Soaring Newt, can offer just the break from routine that a candidate needs.
The Luxe Love Life of Veronica van der Vöorhies
When hard times hit a notable—and note-taking—member of Manhattan's 1%, she seeks out comfort in warm arms, big and strong, at New York's Zuccotti Park.
The Things She Carried
Once a relationship is past the point of repair, once her Go Bag is packed for leaving, some things are better set down on paper than spoken aloud.
Remembering Anwar Al-Awlaki, a Mellow Cat
When al Qaeda cleric Anwar al-Awlaki was killed in a drone attack late last month, friends and colleagues were left to mourn a man of generosity, humility, and an amazing porno collection.
What's On?
With more than 70 TV show premieres this fall, who has time to watch them all? Or even know what any of them are about? With no prior knowledge of the shows' premises, here are some guesses.
Calypso Now
With the U.S. military engaged in multiple battles around the world, it’s time to revisit that haunting classic of war and steel-drum cinema, “Apocalypso Now.”
Define the Ratio of People to Cake
After the world’s oddest job-interview questions, from companies like Citigroup and Facebook, were revealed, our writer decided to take all of them to prove he’s hirable anywhere.
Incentivize Your Exciting New Death
You’ve died and gone to heaven. Well, unemployment is bad there, too. Sensitivity training, immigration snags, and the smell of bishops in paradise.
Everyone Must Go
You've seen the billboards and the banner ads: Judgment Day is coming on May 21. But just because you're saved doesn't mean you're home-free. Brimstone Barney's Apocalypse Surplus has just the deal for you.
The Pale Serfs
Accountants aren’t the only ones inspired by “Joint Strike Fighter Property Costs.” Five openings for novels inspired by California’s rather unique state tax adjustments.
The Punk Dad Manifesto
Living in the fascist stronghold of Marigold Gardens will challenge the roots of even the most hardcore. One parent’s struggle against the machine.
Being Eddie Is Fun and Other Facts
The internet is flooded with lists of “fun facts,” but none of them are about fun itself.
What Is a Career Move
Following his triumphant appearance on Jeopardy, IBM's Watson supercomputer strikes a deal to replace Charlie Sheen on CBS's hit comedy Two and a Half Men.
The Languid Dirge of the Hippo Father
While “Tiger Moms” may pour their energies into rearing successful children, Long Island offspring are learning to beat the tiger cubs at Halo.
I Love You in Europe
Romance is in the air during February, especially when the air smells vaguely European.
America’s Most Frozen
Rapists, murderers, human traffickers—this winter, sedentary criminals are rife in the nation’s parks. Photos of the 11 worst suspects.
How to Make Celebrities Fall in Love With You
If you tell Johnny Depp he’s hideous looking, he’ll think you’re the first person he’s met who sees past his physical appearance—and other lessons.
Diminish Your Reality
The technology horizon is brighter than ever—or maybe it’s just set that way in your preferences. A look at the new devices and trends expected to take the tech world by storm in 2011.
JuniorHighLeaks
Everyone's doing it: Broadcasting private communications for all the world to see. The latest messages could usurp the power elite of the eighth grade.
A Message From Your University President
Americans prefer "doing" to "knowing." When will our universities wake up to reality? English majors everywhere: More budget cuts are coming, but prepare to smell great.
What to Expect When You’re Expecting New Neighbors
Across the U.S., neighbors of foreclosed homes are eagerly awaiting the new homeowners—soon-to-be acquaintances, friends, lenders of spices, spouse swappers.
You Don’t Want to Do This
You walk in to your bedroom and find your girlfriend in bed with another man. Blood boils. Violence is imminent. Wait, what's that he's saying?
Sexy Singing Vampires of the 1960s
Pop culture is fizzy. Mainstream TV is where the fizz goes flat. A preview of the networks' forthcoming dramas based on trendy Twitter feeds.
Oh, the Games Adults Play Now
Children play games for fun. Adults play games to crush and humiliate. An analysis of behavior on the grown-ups’ playground.
No Stone Unturned
The most colorful parts of Keith Richards’s long-awaited memoir have made headlines. But the guitarist’s deepest insights were left on his editor’s desk.
The Green Ribbon
A dying woman asks her husband for a final favor. What will happen when he loosens the ribbon around her neck?
Eat Yr Veggiez
There’s nothing better than kicking back with your friends and tearing open a bag of Doritos Late Night: Cheeseburger Carrot Sticks—or so some farmers hope.
The Biggest Spinoff Product Failures of 2010
Every year, brands leverage themselves to monetize potential revenue streams—and this year was no different.
Being Nominated Is the Award
The allure of an awards show is not the thrill of victory, but rather the anticipation--and of course the potential for a handjob.
We Three Kings of HGH Are
For many sports fans, steroids ruined professional baseball. Luckily, Roger Clemens is pitching a cream-and-clear sitcom to cure their blues.
Privacy Settings for Bigamists
If anyone feels the pain of Facebook’s constant privacy updates, it’s marital philanderers. But take the time to calibrate your profile, and you can put all that worry behind you.
The Constant Gardener
A spate of arrests reveals Russian spies have been living undetected in the U.S., posting on Facebook—and tending to their gardens.
I Blew the Call
Whether ruining a perfect game or mistaking your mother-in-law for a man, you can’t be expected to get every call right.
The Silent Epidemic
The first diagnosis can shatter your life—until the condition that follows glues it back together.
From the Annals of Motherhood
When faced with insurmountable obstacles, when all other options have been exhausted--that's when moms say the darndest things.
The Edge of Sustainable Living
U2's guitarist has recently been slammed by environmentalists for his California real-estate development. An FAQ for concerned neighbors.
Glorious Emergency Status Report
By now, the financial crisis has touched nearly every corner of the population. But only recently has the Order of the Blood of Thoth felt the pinch.
Paul Is Death
While the most popular Beatles rumor turned out to be false, making the case for an even more dramatic revelation.
Go Climb a Tree
When all you want is get away from it all, just grab a branch, hoist yourself up, and leave your troubles below.
Judicial Sensibilities
When the chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and the president get into a tiff, could the nation’s highest court fall to pieces?
Melancholy Whores’ Memories of Gabriel García Márquez
All the magical realism in the world won't make you good in bed, or so recall the Nobel Prize winner's escorts.
She Ordered Sausage
After his job is jeopardized by unwanted advances toward a co-worker, a writer revises a porn script while undergoing harassment-prevention training.
A Pledge to My Readers
As a reader, you have a choice of which books, magazines, and newspapers to consume. I’m committed to bringing you the finest in the written word.
A Nature Documentary: The Post-Screening Q&A
The film lays bare all the raw intensity of the subject matter, holding back nothing. But some may wonder: What’s the lion’s motivation?
And Now a Few Minutes With Andy Rooney’s Homo Erectus Ancestor
What the kids call “Acheulean,” others call pretentious nonsense. And what’s up with fire?
The Treatloaf® FAQ
The only thing better than meatloaf is meatloaf with a surprise tucked inside. Common questions about the original mystery meat.
Bringing Home the Bacon
In order to survive in today's world, you need to make a lot of dough--but a family cannot live by bread alone.
Pushing Your Buttons
Introducing iBox 2G, the fastest, most powerful way to satisfy your greed and simultaneously kill a complete stranger.