Signs that you got sick by talking to that person in line at the ATM, even if you’re not totally convinced you’re coming down with something:

—Sweat, both warm and cold

—Dropping-off of fingernails

—Miasma

—The sniffles

—Your unquestioning interest in the day-long Battlestar Galactica marathon

—A table clothed in red and green gelcaps, and you can’t remember how they got there, or what they are

—Filling bits on your toothbrush

—Phantasms involving your landlord and some weird day-labor job

—Improper internet purchases

—A dilated pupil, switching from eye to eye

—Falling asleep in the shower

—Waking up on the couch

—Leaving your house and announcing to the guy at the laundromat that this is the first time you’ve left your house in four days, and this isn’t even the laundromat you go to

—Wow, Regis really is funny