Letters From the Editor

Party Guide

The Morning News fourth-anniversary party is being held this Saturday and we hope you can make it. My guess is that a lot of people will come not knowing anyone. Some brave souls will strike up conversations with strangers; others will order a drink, stand around, then go home angry. Still more will bring a friend with them just in case they don’t know anyone, so at least they can bitch about not knowing a single goddamn person.

In case you’re in the middle category – I don’t know anyone, oh my God this is terrible why do I do this to myself wait, here’s someone, maybe they’re friendly, ‘Hi, are you here for The Morning News party? No? And this is your stool?’ God kill me now – here’s a guide to TMN folks who are confirmed attendees, so you can identify a friendly face in the crowd.

Rosecrans Baldwin: Will be wearing a black suit, white shirt, and black tie. WASP-y looking, POOF-ty acting. In his youth he was nearly as handsome as Clay Risen, now not quite.

Andrew Womack: Will be wearing a black suit, white shirt, and black tie. POOF-ty looking, WASP-y acting. Two stops short of Clay Risen good looks.

Sarah Hepola: Handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition. Frequently seen near Clay Risen, though rarely on Clay Risen.

Josh Allen: Neither dashingly handsome nor yet unbearably ugly, neither too stout nor yet too thin; it could not be claimed that he was old, but he was no stripling either. Body-double for Clay Risen in foreign markets.

Paul Ford: A man in cream-colors, his cheek is fair, his chin downy, his hair flaxen, his hat a white fur one, with a long fleecy nap. Thinks Clay Risen is the name of his tissue box.

Dennis Mahoney: That young man with the long, auburn hair and the impudent face – that young man was not really a poet; but surely he was a poem. Faints at the very whisper of ‘Clay Risen.’

Clay Risen: Always a let-down.

Hope to see you there!


Jello Llama

(Books used for this letter: Emma; Dead Souls; The Confidence-Man; The Man Who was Thursday.)

Rosecrans Baldwin co-founded TMN with publisher Andrew Womack in 1999. He is the author of three books, including his latest novel The Last Kid Left (NPR’s Best Books of the Year). His nonfiction appears in a variety of magazines, mostly GQ. More information can be found at rosecransbaldwin.com. More by Rosecrans Baldwin

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