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Letters From the Editor

Punchlines: Lost & Found

I spent Labor Day weekend by a lake upstate with friends. One afternoon we were lying on a dock, when a duck swam by and disappeared around the bow of a boat.

“Heh,” I said.

“What?”

“I don’t know. I was just trying to make up a joke.”

“What do you mean?”

“A duck joke.”

“…”

“Wait. I think I’ve got one.”

“OK.”

“Um…so this duck walks into a bar, and orders a beer. And he’s got a hundred-dollar bill…a hundred dollars, right? And…the bartender says, ‘Hey, small bills only.’”

“What?”

“Duck goes into a bar holding a hundred dollars, orders a drink, and the bartender says, ‘Small bills only.’”

“No. Just no. No. Did you make that up?”

“What? Yeah. What, no good?”

“Jesus, that’s…awful…”


* * *


…a couple of hours later…

“OK. I’ve got one now.”

“One what?”

“A joke.”

“Oh…”

“OK, so this duck is standing by a mailbox, and he’s trying to crawl in, right? And this mailman walks by and says, ‘Post no bills.’”

“Huh?”

“He says, ‘Post no bills.’”

“What? Did you make that up?”

“Yeah. What…no?”

“No.”

“No?”

“Nope.”


* * *


…later that night…

“Wait. I’ve got it.”

“What?”

“A joke.”

“Ducks?”

“Yes…Hear me out.”

“…”

“OK, what do you call a duck that’ll do anything you ask?”

“A duck that’ll do what?”

“What do you call a duck that’ll do anything… for money?”

“I…I don’t know. What?”

“A quack whore.”

“Oh!! [laughter] Wait… Did you make that up?”

“I… I think so… You like it?”

“Yeah…[more laughter]…yeah…now… please stop.”

biopic

Andrew Womack is a founding editor of The Morning News. He is always working on the next installment of the Albums of the Year series at TMN. More by Andrew Womack

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