Letters From the Editor

Punchlines: Lost & Found

I spent Labor Day weekend by a lake upstate with friends. One afternoon we were lying on a dock, when a duck swam by and disappeared around the bow of a boat.

“Heh,” I said.


“I don’t know. I was just trying to make up a joke.”

“What do you mean?”

“A duck joke.”


“Wait. I think I’ve got one.”


“Um…so this duck walks into a bar, and orders a beer. And he’s got a hundred-dollar bill…a hundred dollars, right? And…the bartender says, ‘Hey, small bills only.’”


“Duck goes into a bar holding a hundred dollars, orders a drink, and the bartender says, ‘Small bills only.’”

“No. Just no. No. Did you make that up?”

“What? Yeah. What, no good?”

“Jesus, that’s…awful…”

* * *

…a couple of hours later…

“OK. I’ve got one now.”

“One what?”

“A joke.”


“OK, so this duck is standing by a mailbox, and he’s trying to crawl in, right? And this mailman walks by and says, ‘Post no bills.’”


“He says, ‘Post no bills.’”

“What? Did you make that up?”

“Yeah. What…no?”




* * *

…later that night…

“Wait. I’ve got it.”


“A joke.”


“Yes…Hear me out.”


“OK, what do you call a duck that’ll do anything you ask?”

“A duck that’ll do what?”

“What do you call a duck that’ll do anything… for money?”

“I…I don’t know. What?”

“A quack whore.”

“Oh!! [laughter] Wait… Did you make that up?”

“I… I think so… You like it?”

“Yeah…[more laughter]…yeah…now… please stop.”


Andrew Womack is a founding editor of The Morning News. He is always working on the next installment of the Albums of the Year series at TMN. More by Andrew Womack

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