Name: Chicken John

Time of birth: 11:48 p.m.

Occupation title(s), both real and desired-in-another-lifetime? Showman. Ditto.

We’ve heard you’re running for mayor. What’s the main idea behind your campaign? To champion our city of Art and Innovation.

How do you get around the city? 1975 GMC pick up truck that runs on coffee grinds.

How would you describe your look? I usually look busy.

What do people think when they see you on the street? My, what a rugged individual.

Who are some of your heroes? Oh, you know…people you would never suspect as being heroic. Life is full of heroism, all the time.

What makes you laugh? Being tickled.

Fill in the blank: “Most of the people I see around town look ______”: Malnourished.

Five words that sound great: “Chicken, your bath is ready.”