Headlines Edition

Saturday Headlines: Not enough doh.

The Justice Dept. says its Capitol attack investigation "will likely be one of the largest in American history, both in terms of the number of defendants prosecuted and the nature and volume of the evidence." / NPR

New York congressional Democrats, now including Schumer and Gillibrand, are calling on Cuomo to resign over sexual harassment accusations. / Slate

The new round of stimulus payments is already reaching some Americans' bank accounts. / CNN

Calculating that Homer's salary in 2021 would be around $50,000, the Simpsons' lifestyle is no longer attainable in America. / The AV Club

Another Peter Hessler report on daily life in China. "Almost seventy per cent of my students said that it had been a good year." / The New Yorker

Singapore lacked enough asset managers to meet its billionaires' needs, so it started training 16-year-olds. / Bloomberg

Accounting for what the pandemic has cost young people, particularly our teenagers and their mental health. / ProPublica

"If you lie to get the vaccine, you're not just wronging the people who should get it ahead of you, but kind of you're wronging everybody because we're in this together." / GQ

Minneapolis's record $27 million settlement with the family of George Floyd will likely influence jury selection in Derek Chauvin's criminal trial. / The Washington Post

Lou Ottens, the inventor of the cassette tape, has died at 94. / NPR

Related: "Mixtapes allowed music fans to be their own superstar DJs and, crucially, they were all about autonomy." / The Guardian

Offline since 2013, the social DJ phenomenon Turntable.fm has returned—in the form of two competing sites. / The Verge

A new podcast, "Say My Meme," describes some of the internet's most famous memes for a blind audience. / FastCompany

Netflix is starting to crack down on password sharing, which the company says is responsible for $112 million in missing monthly revenue. / The Week

The upside to Netflix's new password policy: It might also stop your personal information from being shared with people you don't even know. / WIRED

Related: The history of the password, explained in comic form. / The Morning News

In case you missed it: a power ranking of fast-food fish sandwiches for Lent. / Catholic News Agency

See also: "Panda Express employee alleges cult-like initiation rituals at 'self-improvement' seminar." / The Takeout