Letters From the Editor

Two Observations While Grocery Shopping

1. Two police officers are riding the train with me between Union Square and 6th Avenue. I'm sitting down; one cop, standing next to me, keeps her radio on her belt, right next to me ear. While we’re waiting to leave the station, it squaks ‘Anonymous caller reports a bomb in the station.’ Crrrchchhch. There’s a long pause. I look up, but she doesn’t seem to have listened, or cared, and neither does anyone else. It goes off again: ‘Anonymous caller reports a bomb in the station…Crrrchchchhch…of the Empire State Building.’

Relieved, I resume scanning The Onion.



2. The butcher at Ottomanelli & Sons Meat Market, after selling me 3 lbs. of beef and a pound of venison sausages they make onsite and are relatively notorious for, asks me how old I am. ‘25,’ I say. ‘Why?’

‘Well, there’s some liquor in these sausages; I thought I’d have to card you.’

A few minutes later, Murray’s Cheese Shop is happy to sell me two illegal (raw milk) French cheeses (1, 2.) Union Square Wine & Spirits rings up three bottles of Barbera wine and never asks for my I.D.

My plan tonight is to get boozed up on sausages and wreck my grill into a bus full of children.

biopic

Rosecrans Baldwin co-founded TMN with publisher Andrew Womack in 1999. He is the author of three books, including his latest novel The Last Kid Left (NPR’s Best Books of the Year). His nonfiction appears in a variety of magazines, mostly GQ. More information can be found at rosecransbaldwin.com. More by Rosecrans Baldwin

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