Video Digest: March 30, 2007

Instructional videos for the recreationally-minded: SinuCleanse; Old Man Crazy at Chrysler; hot bass licks and getting high with Steely Dan; Finns teach dancing; Boss Ross, the master.

The top Google result for the term “instructional videos” is this site. It contains such classics as “Good Dog Massage” and “Sharpening Simplified.” Somebody needs more Bob Ross in their lives.

I was Googling instructional videos because, let’s face it: They’re funny, and I’m bored. These may be old chestnuts on ye olde interweb, but they’re new to me. Instructional videos are like melted cheese and casual sex: Good any time.

One of the funniest thing about this SinuCleanse commercial is how damn long it is! It’s longer than the Tolkein trilogy. It’s, like, written by a blogger. Other best thing about this commercial? Everything.

This is the most confusing instructional video ever. It’s more confusing than SinuCleanse. This guy is not even speaking English. He’s speaking Old Man Crazy.

Damn, that is a hot bass lick. That makes me want to bust out my Steely Dan and Rush albums and smoke some weed, yo. Someone told me once that you could tell how douchey a bassist was by how high he holds his instrument. This guy is rating a solid 8. And how about that aging Ken doll on the drum? Pitchfork reviewed this song and crowned it the jam of the summer.

What can we say about the Finns? They’re the new Japanese. They are so nutty with all their tangoing and their cell phones and their Conan O’Brien fetish. Did I mention I was half-Finnish? Only the wacky half.

There are a lot of instructional videos on how to dance. Why is this? In college, I had a copy of “Swayze Dancing,” Patrick Swayze’s instructional dance video. I check YouTube for clips of it periodically, but nothing. I’ve finally ordered it from Amazon for myself. Now I just need an instructional video on how to upload an instructional video.

In the meantime, let’s bliss out with some Bob Ross. He’s the master. This serene winter landscape is really blowing my miiiind.

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