About seven years ago, Just Guns was replaced by some new-age store, or an industrial boutique that looks like it’s staffed by Germans with meth habits. Can’t remember, exactly. But I miss Just Guns. If that store ever had a commercial, I like to imagine it looked like this ad for Don’s Guns.
Inspired by Don and my Austin nostalgia, I decided to do a YouTube search for videos on guns. This struck me as an interesting experiment, as it would cut a swath across the American video experience. And then I was rewarded with 500 clips of “November Rain.” But an hour and five search pages later—just as “November Rain” was nearing the last bridge—I made a few other discoveries.
“Chicks Who Love Guns” is apparently a clip from Jackie Brown. I saw Jackie Brown, but must admit, I don’t remember any of it. I sometimes get it confused with Murphy Brown. This is a terrific clip, though: classic Tarantino gindhouse homage. Do we really have to make this man come up with narratives and characters? Can’t he just spend a whole career riffing on Russ Myers and Shaft?
Next I found a 1983 video from Wham—that’s pre-“Wake Me Up” period, by the way—called “Young Guns (Go For It).” Love the parenthetical title. I’m not sure if that is a full sentence, indicating that young guns really do go for it, or if it’s two separate thoughts. Maybe it would help if I listened to the song, but who can listen when a video like this one is playing? Hallelujah, 1983. So much leather. So much hair gel. And didn’t anyone find it strange that Wham is taking those androgynous lady cops from behind?
Before Borat, there was Ali G. Remember him? Well, I always liked Ali G better. Don’t want to fight you, just putting it out there. Sadly, the Ali G movie was pretty terrible. But I still enjoy watching old clips from the HBO show. Here, our man on the street interviews the NRA. “Has anyone ever been killed by a gun?” Respeck.
Other than that, I couldn’t find many videos on guns. I know, sad. But after 13 pages, I was still coming up with Axl Rose montages and cell phone videos. Sheesh, I know every word of Appetite for Destruction by heart, but would somebody please make this man release Chinese Democracy so the legend can die down for a while? Maybe you’re glad I couldn’t find any videos on guns. Maybe guns make you uncomfortable. They certainly make me uncomfortable, too, but that’s part of why they fascinate me. Still, there’s no mystery to a gun battle. As a spectator sport, it falls flat. That’s why sword fights are so cool. And you know the only thing better than a sword fight? A lightsaber duel.