The Law of the Instrument
More than 200 letters to the editor, op-eds, and editorials from newspapers across the US reveal a country divided on who should be allowed to vote.
advice
A collection of 218 issues
Bang for Your Buck
Two dozen people—a banker, a sex worker, a pastor, “the World’s First Publicly Traded Person”—tell us the best way to invest a single dollar.
The Absolute Minimum
Highlights from a reading of 200-plus letters to the editor, from newspapers in all 50 states, to determine what Crazy America thinks about raising—or lowering—the minimum wage.
This God’s for You
A man and a supreme being walk into a bar. It’s a hokey joke until one day it’s true and the big man starts offering tax advice.
Night Vision
An unexpected pregnancy, tuna sandwiches consumed in darkness, and woman after woman of a certain age living by the ocean—eventually, all connections make sense when it comes to prescient grandparents.
Stop, Don’t Shoot
You witness an incident occur directly in front of you. You see every detail. There's time to help—but should you get involved? A handy guide for photographers.
Heaven Can Wait
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, advice for a lovelorn atheist who wants to know if a Christian could love him back.
How to Not Kill a Cyclist
A plea for safety from cyclists to motorists.
Hard Up
When you’re feeling perky as a teenager but the doctor says your prostate is basically a Chinchorro mummy, a little erectile dysfunction can be suffered on the path to wellness. Oh, but the sex drive...
Man-barrass Your Way to Love
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we show you how a well-chosen nickname can bend your mate’s will.
The Querent
Fortunetelling is easy to ridicule, frequently misunderstood, and, for some people, extremely powerful. Unfortunately, what’s very tough to predict is what reading futures will do to the person with the cards.
Here Is Everything I Learned in New York City
Five years in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Several violent attacks—in other cities. A daily attempt to be the best, which is never a good idea. Nine lessons from a mini-lifetime in the Big Apple.
You Will Soon Receive Great Knowledge
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we crack open one of the mysteries of the universe: How do fortune cookies work?
Zodiac Gemstone Food Pairings
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we offer dream analysis with multiple charts to a reader whose rice turned to rocks.
(Drool) Brittania
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, a woman seeking men from Blighty meets the Connecticut Britons.
What You Gave Me
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we partner with the Association for the Betterment of Sex to help three readers with their love quandaries.
Publishing Is Toast
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, a reader wonders about TMN's vision of the future of publishing.
Can We Date?
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. A reader wants to know if it's OK to date a distant relative. We answer by way of flowchart.
The Messy
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. When a reader disagrees with his wife over the cleanliness of their home, we propose a tidy solution.
Travel Tips We Learned the Hard Way
As we carve out weekends for summer vacations and welcome loved ones home from across the volcanic ash-strewn pond, our staff and readers share their hard-earned trip advice.
Thy Neighbor's Wisteria
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. When a reader asks about housewarming gifts, we see Armageddon in the neighborhood.
The Answer, My Friend
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. To help a reader determine which Dylan album is best, we arrive at every possible solution. Introducing "Your Best Bob Dylan Album Calculator."
The Analyst's Cookbook
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. We help a reader ferret out the truth about which foods are good to eat, and which ward off bullets.
Preferred Patio Beverages
As the weather warms and we retreat to our patios, roofdecks, and lanais, our thirst increases. Our staff and readers share their favorite outdoor drinks.
Mixed vs. Medley
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we do absolutely nothing to assist a reader while coining a new phrase.
Are Your Cats Really Adorable or Just Regular Adorable?
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we show you the 50 questions on this year's census you didn't see coming.
Come On, Sugar, Let Me Know
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week, we reach out to the masses on Chatroulette for advice on sexiness, with horrifying consequences.
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we advise a reader on what he should buy his girlfriend for their anniversary.
Terribly Happy
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we use some recent knowledge of severance packages to help one of the newly unemployed.
Cures for the Common Cold
As we spelunk into the depths of winter, we felt the time was ripe to rearm our medicine cabinets. Our staff and readers share their remedies for colds, flus, and related maladies.
'Tussin
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we assist a college student who's swimming in dirty laundry and drowning in cough syrup.
Just Like Heaven
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we answer that eternal question: What happens after we die?
Frugal Krueger
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader in need of creative, recession-friendly Halloween costume ideas.
How to Become a Playwright
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we attempt to help a young thespian realize his misinformed dreams.
God Save the Queen From You Chumps
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we defend Britain against a cursing student of Anglo-Saxons.
Letters to a Young Philanderer
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we channel our inner Governor Sanford to explain the ways of windbags nationwide.
The Pride of the Bernard-Barnards of West Wickingham Is Wounded
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we receive a letter from a student in distress and do absolutely nothing to assist her.
I'll Tell You No Lies
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we guide a reader who peppers her friends with questions, but finds they won't reciprocate her curiosity.
The Power of the Three
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we reveal the secrets of the mighty triumvirate that rules the universe. But you didn't hear about it here.
How to Buy a Car
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we demonstrate to a wary customer how best to maneuver the purchase of a new car, while keeping accidental singes to a minimum.
Attractive With Glasses
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we counsels a reader on the beauty of frames.
In the Event That You Have Accidentally Swallowed the Higgs Boson
Ingesting a wily particle is no laughing matter. Ten steps of concrete advice to consider before your hands grow to the size of large cities.
Marketing the Massive Range
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we contribute copywriting ideas to help a reader sell Super Viagra Soft-Tabs.
Your Favorite Thing About the Recession
Times are tight--but must they necessarily be bad? We asked our readers and writers to find the upside to the downturn.
Fear of Flying
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help an airline passenger determine the best day and time to book a flight.
Love Sic
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. Our mailbag is stuffed with questions about love, often oddly phrased. We address one of the more curious examples.
The Superstitious Life
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In honor of Friday the 13th, we coach a reader on effective use of superstition.
Does He Love You?
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. Following our popular guide regarding girls, how to know if the ideal man digs you or not.
You Noogie My Heart, I'll 69 Yours
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we counsel a young man who can't read the road signs in a doomed relationship.
Cocktail Flu
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. We offer tried-and-true excuses for calling in sick to work, including examples of the maladies we can claim to hide the malady we have.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate Family
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. We step in with some last-minute advice for a reader confused by a Christmas party conundrum: Do friends and family mix?
Rhymes With Riches
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. When a reader runs into a dilemma involving bitches, we take the high road, at least for a few paragraphs.
Pushing Your Buttons
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week's installment, we help an Obama supporter navigate the murky waters of political expression at the workplace.
Writing My Twitter Etiquette Article: 14 Ways to Use Twitter Politely
Every form of communication deserves an etiquette manual, if only so we can treat our fellows better, even in 140-character bites.
Staycations
When vacating isn't an option, you could always consider a holiday in your own vicinity. The TMN readers and writers offer travel tales from lands closer to home.
Smoke and Mirrors
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week's installment we explain why the objects in passenger-side mirrors are closer than they appear: It could be something you ate.
Ways We're Saving Money
As the price of everything hikes higher and higher, thrift is fast becoming an essential life skill. The TMN readers and writers tell us how they're beating the high cost of living.
Today We Learn About Canada
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week's installment we uncover why Americans can so easily sniff out Canadians in their midst.
Vacation Destinations
With Memorial Day just around the corner, our thoughts are turning to getting the heck out of town. Where to? Well, the TMN readers and writers have some recommendations.
Ladies First
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we solve the origins of "Mrs.," and present a new nomenclature to fill the gender gap, once and for all.
Easy-Fake Oven
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. In this week's installment we break down all that pre-heating nonsense, with a heating guide for 21st-century cookery.
Identity Crisis
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we (or someone claiming to be us) detail many popular methods for stealing identities.
The Last Great Thing You Downloaded
From movies to music to graphic novels and Spanish lessons, here are some of our recent digital world discoveries, as downloaded by our writers and readers.
Movies for What Ails You
It's winter, and chances are you're sick or you're about to be. Even though you may feel like you'd rather curl up and die, we recommend curling up with a good movie instead--and the writers' answer to most ailments is Jimmy Stewart.
Begging the Question
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we explain the phrase nobody understands in terms everyone can understand. For the most part.
The Party Racket
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we solve another parenting mystery: Exactly how many of your child's classmates must you invite to the birthday party?
The Coast Is Sheer
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we explain how to build a roller coaster in terms a young engineering student may not expect.
The Vote Not Shaken
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader choose between political candidates by applying modern poetry to the process.
You Say You Want a Resolution
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we conjure a New Year's vow for a quitter who needs something new to quit.
Hangover Cures
Robert Benchley once quipped, "The only cure for a real hangover is death." Though ultimately true, right now there are holiday parties to attend. The writers offer solutions for the morning after.
Life After Masturbation
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we advise a mother who's walked in on her son during a private moment.
Online Merchants
'Tis the season of Amazon and Zappos, but what about those web merchants with more rare offerings, or services you didn't know were available online? The writers offer a few of their current favorites.
Strictly Business
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we instruct a future MBA in the art of networking. That sound? The last gasp of your ethics.
How to Say I Love You
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we pull out all the stops to help a reader say "I love you," in precisely 100 different ways.
Phantom Menace
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we rush to the aid of a distressed reader who believes her house is haunted.
Nonfiction Books
You've stocked up on bookmarks, ordered the bookplates, and now you're ready to fill the shelves. Next time you're shopping, pass over the fiction and pick up something with an index. The writers offer a selection.
Unfortunate
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader assess the accuracy of the fortune cookie he just opened.
Forgive the Drummer Some
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we solve the greatest mystery known to rock-and-rollers of every generation: how to find a decent drummer.
Happily Heifer After
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we point out the differences between non-organic and organic cows--in words only an organic cow would comprehend.
One-Hit Wonders
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader who wants to know: What's a superhero worth these days, anyway?
How the Internet Changed the World
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we assist a mother with her daughter’s homework: imagining a world where emails required stamps.
Age of Consent
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we instruct a starry-eyed reader in the ways of bagging young Hollywood tail.
Hooking It Up
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we apply cold logic to a hot topic: How can pre-adolescent hockey players become sexually active?
Adverb Your Enthusiasm
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader determine if her one true love is letting adverbs get in the way of romance.
Cat Heathens
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a reader decide whether she should send her antisocial, over-meowing feline to the big litter box in the sky.
Midnight in the Garden of Wood and Evil
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we address a reader's concern about her plant's feelings with stories about menacing shrubs.
That Boy
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a family travel safely to Chicago, and urge them to protect their daughter from the boyfriend from hell.
American Capitalism
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a poor man figure out how to make the system work—by any means necessary.
Jock Party
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we fashion a taxonomy of American athletes to help a reader get in touch with his jock-dom.
Gleesome Threesome
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a confused young woman make the best of a beast with three backs.
Delphiniums, Delphiniums, Delphiniums!
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we celebrate National Gardening Month with some horticultural advice garnered from a Tri-Delt newsletter.
Model Behavior
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we share some tips for a young reader who wants to take her strut for a walk down the runway.
Second Lust
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we offer moral guidance to a reader who just realized their Second Life avatar bears a striking resemblance to their best friend's wife.
Two in the Hand
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we reveal the top contenders and the winner of the Non-Expert's Contest for Total Idioms, with a way for you to save the world.
Fate of the Art
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a young man, struggling with maturity, accept the garbage that’s otherwise known as most of contemporary art.
The Mommy Wars
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we help a frustrated mother cope: how to deal with--nevermind survive--those overly nice mothers at play dates.
The Contest for Total Idioms
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we get sick of our colloquial phrases and thus a contest is born: Invent a bon mot for everlasting fame.
Lawyering
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we address a question thousands of young men and women grapple with each year: To law school or not to law school?
Red, White, and You
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we come up with a handy guide—tips, lists, and charts—to choosing wines and playing the connoisseur.
Name That Congress
Experts answer what they know. The Non-Expert answers anything. This week we reveal how George W. Bush will nickname every one of his new, non-Republican buddies in Congress.