Headlines from January 20, 2009

Barack Hussein Obama becomes the 44th President of the United States of America.
Text of President Obama's inaugural speech.
Two million visitors fill the National Mall; how much longer before Warren shows his tattoo?
The new (virtual) White House has a blog.
Adam Levine's aunt texts that her rock-star son, Jesse Jackson, and Mariah Carey weren't let in to the inauguration.
How Obama is like the pilot of a plane whose engine has unexpectedly exploded.
Profile of TMN favorite Emmett Beliveau, Obama's man behind Inauguration tactical strategy.
Secret Service agents are the new hottie heroes of lesbian romance novels.
With Obama's aura turning geeky chic, researchers would like to see more young women become scientists.
Account of how "The Game" went wrong, an elite Microsoft scavenger hunt that almost ended in death.
We all want to die in our sleep. The truth is, most of us will die in pieces.
The Onion pounds its final nail: Bush dies peacefully in his sleep.
Eight years later, a round-up for TMN's recent political humor.
TMN's Anthony Doerr in the Boston Globe on recent titles about evolution.
Oakland protests "police terror" and oppression; Oakland told to protest black-on-black violence (see riot photos).
Print for the commute: Outlining the path to a working health-care system.
Have you set on the path of a New Year's resolution and already lost your way? Tell us, we want to know.
Simple proposal for buying shares in American stock.
To mark the end of the Bush era, selections from eight years of presidential spoofery on TMN:
Using a special chemical process, the library is able to keep this section of the World Trade Center burning and producing thick, acrid smoke forever. Paul Ford tours the Presidential Library.
There are and there are not weapons of mass destruction; in 2003, Matthew Baldwin gave us a vision of Schrödinger's Iraq.
"What I need is you in office for another four years or else Operation God-Emperor With Bionic Cardiopulmonary System will never get off the ground."
In 2005, John Warner showed us life at home for White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.
In 2003, Matthew Baldwin peeled back the curtain on President Bush's government-mandated alternate reality.
Following the destruction of New Orleans, Ignatius J. Reilly (aka Matt Evans) delivered a parvum opus to the president.
Ashcroft: I'm on the board of a razor wire company and can vouch for their effectiveness. Joshua Allen took us behind the scenes of Bush's merging of border agencies.
Kevin Guilfoile and John Warner chronicled the run-up to the 2004 election: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.
In 2006, Andrew Womack offered the president new nicknames for every Democrat in the House and Senate.
America's Next Top Model Democracy: "We took a chance on you, Hugo... We expected more."
Please find enclosed fifty cents. I am a lobbyist, this is a campaign contribution, and now I own you. Children's letters to George W. Bush.