Headlines from March 15, 2016

Putin pulls Russia out of Syria, either because Assad’s rule is secure again, or he no longer cares.
War in Syria has made refugees of some 2.4 million children.
Four Egyptian children charged with blasphemy for mocking ISIS.
Summary of issues at stake for Democrats today in Florida, Illinois, Ohio, Missouri, North Carolina.
China paper says the rise of a certain “abusively racist and extremist” candidate means democracy is dangerous.
Experts say using “neanderthal” to mean “brutish and stupid” is baseless and insulting.
A “bony-eared assfish” is an eel-like fish that resembles a “glorified tadpole.”
Japanese prefecture posts job opening for PR ninja, hoping to promote “warlord tourism.”
By 2100, between four and 13 million Americans will be displaced by rising sea levels.
Americans bought more legal pot than Girl Scout cookies in 2015.
Vermont poised to be the first state to legalize cannabis by state legislature.
State prison overpopulation in Minnesota causes officials to ship prisoners to county jails.
Long-running Minnesota study shows young people feeling increasingly anxious since the 1930s.
Children and parents rebel against public school weigh-ins and BMI screening.
As much as we idealize our revolutionary roots as empire beaters, we have become the empire, and we really like it. In other words, brace yourselves, fellow citizens: America is Duke. #opinions
In today’s edition of the Tournament of Books, Choire Sicha meets A Little Life and The New World. #tob16
Final day to get your official ToB T-shirt, from book designer Janet Hansen. #tob16
How much would it cost to buy one of everything on Amazon? $12.86 billion.
NRA uses the Flint water crisis to hawk “patriotic” survivalist bottled water.
DNC Chair Wasserman Schultz joins Republicans trying to gut regulations of predatory payday lenders.
Smartphone-based conversational agents are not great at recognizing users’ pleas for help, scientists find.