Articles Written By Kevin Guilfoile
Kevin Guilfoile is the author of two novels, Cast of Shadows and The Thousand, that have been translated into more than 20 languages. His latest book, a memoir, is A Drive Into the Gap. He is also co-screenwriter of the feature film Chasing the Blues.
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Stories
Bienvenue au Musée Renteria
Like many modern painters, the extremely famous Renteria had issues with women. Our writer shares a guide he picked up at Renteria’s museum.
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How To
The Half-Assed Handyman
Are your screws loose? Is the house falling apart? Call the Half-Assed Handyman! KEVIN GUILFOILE walks us through proper fence gate repair and the best way to fix a lawnmower handle.
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Spoofs & Satire
John Ashcroft’s 2002 College Football Preview
Thanks to the 2001 PATRIOT Act, we can learn the dark secrets that lurk in the hearts of men. The time is upon us to take this information and put it to good use: predicting the 2002 college-football champions.
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Opinions
I Know You’re Lonely for Words That I Ain’t Spoken
Most people know that Bruce Springsteen has a new album out. But everyone knows that a man, shouting at Springsteen, partly inspired the new songs.
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Stories
Spam Poet
Do you see that detritus in your inbox as fodder for verse? No? Then meet the Spam Poet, who takes everyday junk mail and turns stink into stanza. KEVIN GUILFOILE waxes poetically.
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Spoofs & Satire
Surrey With the Syringe on Top
In the cutthroat world of playwriting, where a good line means the difference between fame and famine, many authors fall victim to the lure of performance-enhancing drugs.
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Opinions
What Are You, Drunk?
A new study on binge drinking from the Harvard School of Public Health slides off the stool, falls down, and admits that it really didn’t know what it was talking about earlier, with all that “research” business.
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Spoofs & Satire
Casual Fan Fiction
A story based on characters in the popular NBC drama The West Wing written by a guy who usually runs the vacuum between Ed and Law & Order.
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Stories
The Mediator on Gay Marriage
Before arguments come to a head, they should come to The Mediator. Here The Mediator solves an issue rife with debate: gay marriage. KEVIN GUILFOILE reports on the new ground rules.
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Opinions
Catch a Falling Catholic
Will the recent rash of pedophilia charges against the Catholic Church cause a drop in membership? If so, might those disenchanted Catholics be interested in joining the competition?
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Stories
Pascal’s Wagering
Even great philosophers must eat, go to the bathroom, iron their shirts, get dumped. Like all of us, some live great lives, most suffer. But none can avoid the troubles of being human.
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Opinions
The First Rule of Book Club
Chicago versus New York: sure, we know whose pizza is better, but what about their city-wide book reading programs? A stern lecture about our relative civic hopes, fears, and lazy habits.